Sunday, October 30, 2011

A Blog’s Life

Last week was the inaugural anniversary of Itualive! A blog I am proud to be a part of. Blogger Itua had captured some of the things that had gone into the making. But perhaps I can shed some more light on the beginnings of the blog and on some pieces.
Itua and I like to think we have some stimulating discussions on several topics stretching into the night some times, if it’s an argument it is mostly the case that we sleep off with no resolution, both of us certain we have each won by presenting compelling points, though uncertainty hangs over our beds like a shroud. There are times when I see the pieces on his blog like a continuation of our late night discussions but this time the blogger, (the bugger) has the last word, leaving no chance for me to get in my very reasonable objections. I have been lucky just once when he allowed my review of Tango With Me on the blog- the only time the tyrant has permitted dissent.
Sometime last year he came up with the idea of blogging, putting his thoughts out there. I supported him not knowing that soon I would be robbed of sleep as every post comes with a call or text to read- yet the man had the nerve to urge readers to blame me for the grammatical errors and typos.
Still I would say it has been a rewarding experience gracing this blog and vetting the pieces. It has given me a perspective on the language and I have come to understand that beneath every young Nigerian’s (apparent) mindlessness, there is a heart that beats for the country as you would hardly be able to tell from the blogger’s demeanour that such thought provoking pieces can come from the same person who by day and in real life- whatever that means online- is a fun person. It did not even seem like he would be able to keep it up. But cometh the hour, cometh the man...
By now, it’s a cliché to have a blog and it had seemed like Itualive! was just going to be one of the several vanity driven projects out there- if you know the blogger personally this would make more sense. But the posts so far have managed to put the issues on the front burner while the man himself takes a backseat. I consider it remarkable that such is possible, that moment when you realize that the angry, insightful, witty, sad piece you have just read is from someone who you have ate concoction rice from same dented pot, sometimes without cutlery! It is perhaps the most shocking thing about writing and writers looking from the inside- that moment when you realize that the ordinary guy you have always known has these strong feelings and can put it down clearly. There are times it feels like a miracle.
The blog has had several hits as the blogger pointed out in the piece making one year. But beyond the numbers, it is the arguments that some posts have elicited that I find most gratifying. I take it personally when these posts cause a ruckus and there is a debate and I mean that even when most readers take the opposite view. I function on the periphery but I find it pleasing.
As far as topics go, the constant reader (a la Stephen King) would notice that while the blogger writes politics and some social commentary, my pieces have been primarily about art. Movies, music and books have been my focus and it isn’t because “politics is a dirty game”. But the blogger has it covered and I have been ‘commissioned’ to do reviews, same way Colin Obaitan does sports and Ladi Opaluwa can pretty much send in whatever catches her fancy. I would ignore her astonishing ability and say: Yes, there seems to be some sexism going on, but I won’t say anything about that...
So far, of the guests on the site, I have the highest hits- a position I take much pride in. I should rub it in their face but I am much too nice, thank you. That piece of fact is also another thing the blog has given me- the chance to get my own thoughts online and reach out to the internet demographic. Therefore in a way, I get to pay for this chance with those midnight calls asking me to read and reread.
Lest I bore everyone and unearth any more “company secrets”, this is a thank you, a congratulatory note and perhaps a plea to reduce the midnight entreaties.

Oris Aigbokhaevbolo
 Asokoro, Abuja.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

ITUALIVE! IS ONE

About a year ago, on Sunday, October 10th 2010 to be exact, I made my first public post on itualive! It was titled, Nigeria: Political macabre dance, Cecelia Ibru and the Ex-SAN.  Before going public, I had also posted a review of Ijé, a Nollywood block buster that casted Genevieve Nnaji and Omotola Jalade Ekeinde. There was also a post on the exploits of Bishop Oyedepo’s of Living Faith Church that I got from Wikipedia. In the last one year, I have posted essays, poems, reviews and short stories in keeping with the theme of the blog. 

I would not say writing virtually every week has been a walk in the park (especially when it’s for free) but hosting this blog has taught me a few things in life. One of such lessons is to start where you are no matter how little the resources available to you. Another is having what Ray Ozolua (one of my favourite lecturers back then in University) would call “consistency of purpose”. You never know what an idea may become or where that small business may transform into. If you feel a nudge to do something, it’s best to go full throttle. As at today, Itualive! boasts of more than 11,000 hits on the blog directly (minus indirect links through social media sites like facebook and twitter). I have readers from every continent in the world including France, Malaysia, India, Canada and Australia. 

It all began one day as I read a Thisday online article after President Jonathan assumed office as substantive president in May of 2010. There was the argument about zoning and whether he had the moral right to run against the likes of Atiku Abubakar and Gen. Muhamadu Buhari. I dropped in a comment and I noticed I had a strong argument in support of “destiny” (I don’t feel so strongly about that now anyway). My comment was about 500 words and I thought, if I could feel so strongly about issues that affect we as Nigerians, especially on someone else’s article,  I could take it a bit further by getting people to buy into my own ideas. Voila!
And so I spoke to my friend Oris Aigbokhaevbolo about it, he is someone Stephen King calls the ideal Reader (IR). If you are an aspiring writer out there you need to get yourself one. An IR is someone who would save you from yourself. Oribhabor gave me the morale support I needed while my girlfriend was there to you know, spice things up. Actually, she has eyes for colours, so she helps with the site’s aesthetics. Because of her, I know which colours look friendly to the eyes and all that. And so after the colours were sorted, I started writing. Itualive! has ran virtually every week in the last year and I am grateful to God Almighty for the grace to invade your computers and mobile phones unfettered. I have seen the readership base grow beyond what I ever imagined and sometimes I do wonder what you find so interesting. It has also given me some form of social responsibility to represent Nigeria in my own way.

I write usually about whatever interests me at the time but recently I have stayed away from political issues because I have become quiet disillusioned over the Nigeria’s political stratosphere. It is becoming more and more asphyxiating and it appears the decision makers may not be ready to save Nigeria from shame. I hear about 30 billion dollars is being allocated for yet another National Identity card project. What happened to the ones in the past? For heaven’s sake I was under the sun for hours waiting to be registered in Obasanjo’s administration. Let’s assume for the sake of argument that we need National ID cards to breath, are we saying that the people who “walloped” the money for the botched processes in the past can go scot free. What lessons should we be taken from this: that people can come together, decide to steal money and take Nigerians for a ride and be rewarded with more contracts? It’s bad enough that 30 billion is going to be drained ones more (because it is IMPOSSIBLE to have sustainable development with blatant corruption in government circles) on another jamboree but what is really staggering is that the 30 billion naira is for phase 1. Now they want to “chop” in phases. And the saddest part is that they probably will still get away with it. Recurrent expenditure is at an astronomical cost in the country. Government officials spend millions on frivolous foreign trips and are not accountable to anybody. I believe that one day all these nonsense would stop. It just has to stop. All the GSM networks were ordered to conduct a SIM card registration process, yet the NCC embarked on its own independent money wasting venture. Data that could have been pooled from the Networks had to be duplicated because people must chop. All the GSM networks I subscribe to have my photograph and finger print. And am sure it’s the same for most Nigerians, so why can’t the committee on ID card just collate all these data? Anyway I wouldn’t want to spoil today’s anniversary with corruption issues so let’s move on...

This blog hasn’t just been about writing, the feedback I get from many of you have been a source of encouragement to continue to strive for excellence. I monitor the traffic on the blog keenly and I have noticed that some write ups are read more than others and these write-ups make up the POPULAR POSTS on the left hand corner of the blog. I like to refer to them as the “Hall of Fame”. The top 10 most read posts have also helped me categorize the interests my readers have. For instance: the article on Oyedepo is the most read piece on the blog (and I didn’t even write it painfully) suggesting that most Nigerians take religion seriously. We also take good writing seriously as the second on the “hall of fame” is Oris’ “Boys and Girls” short story (am pained that the second most read article here is still not mine but still..). My writings finally take seven of the remaining eight on the top 10 (phew!). After so many articles, the top ten may not necessarily portray the best writing as I have personal favourites that I believe deserve another mention. Chronicles of the Palm Wine Shop (Part 2) to me deserves to be on that list. I have struggled with the idea of resurrecting Madam Josephine again. I believe she has a bigger role to play in the future so please stay tuned. Obliquity is a short story I penned a while back and should join the likes of Relationship: Recipe for Disaster, Wedding Bells or Are My Ears Just Ringing and NYSC and the Killing of the Innocent in the list.

There were sometimes when I thought the blog was a burden and some friends of mine came to my rescue. The only Lady on Itualive! Ladi Opaluwa has helped me in no small way. Her poems (especially The Question the Whiteman asked my father) has fingered my literary nerve inspiring me to do more literary writings. Her short stories and essays show she’s a class apart. Another writer who has also enriched itualive! is my sport analyst, Collin Obaitan. I really do wish you all could meet this guy. I have been friends with him for over 8 years and I still haven’t figured him out (and that’s a compliment). Credits shouldn’t even begin without mentioning Oris Aigbokhaevbolo again; he is also responsible for the success of the blog. I send him my first drafts at odd hours to edit and he always indulges me. He is myself acclaimed editor and can be credited for most of the good stuff you see. He is also to blame for the typos and numerous grammatical errors by the way!

I would like to specially thank everyone who has left a kind (or not so kind) comment on this site or on other social media sites. I also apologise as I know I have offended quiet a number of people with my post especially when sharing it on facebook. When I send bulk messages to advertise my post, my intention is not to run down your batteries but only to share the link. I have been warned sternly by some never to share my link in their boxes again. I do apologise for this intrusion and hope to improve on my sharing capabilities subsequently. 

In no particular other, I would like to thank the following people for the encouragement they have rendered. I say  a big thank you to Cheta Obika (my number one fan), Edewede Akpesiri Odia Ruki (aka Sui generis), Douglas Baye Osagie, Toni Kan (for being a mentor), Wale Mohammed, Olawale Fabiyi Taza, Jimlas, Ray Ozolua, Nnamdi Ndueche, Adaeze Ezemwa, Adebanjo Abdulazeez, Adebayo Paul, Adedigba Muyideen, Aghanemuzor Daniel, Amadin Erins, Amayo Osahon Ida Allison, Olaya Osayeme, Efe Xigma, Ubasinache Otuonye, Omozemoje Asse, Nwankwo Nonso, Abhulihmen Anthony, Christian Osi, Ejiro Diakparomre, Amy Louis, Anne Oba, Arinze Ekwem, Asikhame Oikeh, Basil Valentine, Bernard Onuorah, Dewunmi Odujoko, Bolaji Ogungbe, Bolanle Peju, Chukwuemeka Obiukwukema, Okeke Chukwuma, Dave Meres, Ebade Abu, Eburu Rhume, Okowonna Tochi, Samson Zinom, Oseyi Okoh, Emmanuel Eborka, Ene Jane, Faith Adogame, Goziem Nweke, Godfrey Umhenim, Otutu Allen, Iveren Akaaer. Idowu Akinloye, Muyideen Adedigba, Isa Musa, Olakunle Jones, Soni Akoji, Jide Atta, Kehinde Okusaga, Franklin Markson, Mary Aki, Muhammed Tahir, Ndubuisi Chinedu, Stephen  Akinlua, Izy Umoru, Chuckwu Vera and lastly Mark Zuckerberg.
Forgive me if I missed out your name, but even the writer of Hebrews also couldn’t list all the names of those that walked in faith in verse 32 of chapter 11. I thank you all so much for the support and I pray that this time next year, itualive! would have expanded with more writers and more depth.

It has certainly been a pleasure...Cheers!

©2011 Ewoigbokhan Otaigbe Itua
Lagos, Nigeria

Monday, October 10, 2011

Superstar? Super Sun? Poor You



Listening to Nigerian music these days; something is glaring or rather the lack of something is obvious. Where are the regular guys? The broke blokes? If we are to believe the news, Nigerians are getting poorer, a significant percentage of the youth are unemployed. But somehow this malignancy has escaped today’s musicians.

It wasn’t always like this. We had Fela in the 70s, who while not quite as indigent as his audience, was conscious enough to speak their plight in his music. By the 90s, Fela’s political activism had given way to social consciousness as young men from the ghetto (especially Ajegunle) entered and dominated music. Daddy Showkey, Daddy Fresh, Baba Fryo sang of their plight and thus reflected the condition of average Nigerian.

By the 2000s, these musicians were eased out mainly due to low sales and the new boys quickly took over. These new boys brought superiority into the budding industry-these artists were smarter than the previous crop and became richer. Nothing succeeds as success and soon artists in faraway lands with artistic ambitions came back and the new order developed deep roots.
Unfortunately, this superiority carried over to the music and soon they were better than the majority of Nigerians. They had more money, more education and more talent. Naturally, vanity became a theme. A song is incomplete if the artist doesn’t chant their name, back when Daddy Showkey sang, “welcome Daddy Showkey, Welcome”, it was an introduction and an assertion of a self that had been hidden under a layer of poverty and obscurity.  These days it is a boast and a reminder that I did this.

Music from 90s excluded the rich who didn’t see the need for such assertion when a fat wallet was sufficient, besides wealthy families considered their offspring beyond an industry that had touts and ‘ne’er do wells’ as poster boys. Not anymore though, in contemporary music a display of wealth is necessary, even previously regular guys like Timaya now have to brag about their possessions. Recently, Soundcity’s Top 10 had only one ‘regular’ guy, Oritshe Femi. And even he had flashy clothes in contrast with the setting of the video. The message is, I am from here but I am not like them. Enraptured by the spectacle, viewers lap it up ignoring the message same way listeners dance to the beat ignoring the lyrics.

The present structure opened the gates for a young man with musical ambitions to thrive, especially taken under the wings of one of the successful musicians of the period. A young man who could never have survived the tortuous terrain of the 90s, but things have been made easy for Wizkid to own a significant portion of the pop music market.

In his debut album he begins with a song with a vanity title, Say My Name. “Everywhere I go...everybody say my name, Wizzy!” His life has changed he says. He might as well say he is no more one of the regular guys.
By the second track, No Lele, he tries to identify with the public when he says, “them no know how this young boy from the ghetto make am”. Someone from Ajegunle is probably asking, which ghetto? A pertinent question when in the next track, Scatter the Floor, he says to a lady: “let’s negotiate...don’t hesitate let’s go to my estate”. How many people from the ghetto have estates? How many can muster the cash-enhanced charm in the man’s voice?

The themes don’t change much, the early tracks tout the concerns of the album which really are the concerns of a rich teenager: girls, clubbing, wooing women and spending money on women. To his credit, he sings with an easy flow on beats produced mainly by the previously underused Samklef. The conventional pop album is more concerned with wants than needs, sex than love, dancing than thought, melody above sense and Super Star doesn’t rise above these concerns and not unintentionally as it is easy to see that it is a package for clubs and for arenas. In short, Super Star is a compilation of singles.

But the inclusion of the somewhat sober Oluwa Lo Ni shows unease with the track list so that the song is the weakness in an album that really should embrace its mindlessness and preoccupation with fun. Placing it in the middle of the album is another drawback for as Tuface has already shown, for albums like this, the self-obligatory near Gospel song should come at the end of the album- an LP equivalent of Nollywood’s To God be the Glory.

There are other weaknesses, most noticeably song writing. The artist is evidently more comfortable freestyling than taking time to pen lyrics. He’d rather sing sugary nothings than craft a memorable line. The album probably has just a memorable line and he says it twice on two different tracks: “my money and their money no be mate”.

For all the spewing of mindless fun, the melody thins out halfway into the album, the latter half not living up to the promise of the earlier tracks and has to depend on the suspicious placing of the very popular Holla At Your Boy toward the end. This marks out the album as one of two halves and robs it of cohesion. A quality another debut has plentifully.

Bez’s Super Sun is one cohesive package of music without a single strand sticking out or depressed. From talking galactic-sized ambition on the eponymous track, to wooing new women or wanting old ones, to urging listeners to put their heart in their endeavours, to dismissing love as overrated, he delivers an outstanding if unusual palette of songs.

To be sure, Bez too has women on his mind but music on Super Sun covers a different spectrum from Super Star- if true love is alive, breathing and can be found in today’s music, Bez produces the oxygen and if it is flailing in despair soon to drown, his music is the closest to the resuscitation it will get. Just listen as he paints an innocently romantic picture on Say: “Jellybean, let’s be like we were 17, having dreams like sandcastles in Brazil...” An expensive dream to be sure but sung sincerely. Even when on Stop Pretending he mentions the names of several women, it is easy to believe that he can love them all fully and equally which amidst all the ass shaking and winding is a rare quality in contemporary music.

Ordinarily, music on Super Sun should be alienating as the sound is entirely different from what obtains in the country but there are cues in his music that rein the subtle excesses in. For example, when he mentions the popular free night call package from Mtn, Extra cool, he succeeds in capturing more about Nigerian youthful love than a thousand slangs from a thousand songs from other artistes.

Bez overindulges often: a needless change in melody in the delightfully dismissive Over You, some lines feel forced- the psychology, biology, chemistry line in Stop Pretending, even the album title for instance- but the music carries the songs home. The man plays the guitar, has a band so his music would be perfect for live performances- a fact that doesn’t go unnoticed by the producer as a couple of songs receive a live performance incarnation on the album though the applause does seem contrived.

The producer is Cobhams who has taken the vision he had on Asa’s debut, honed it and has made it manifest in broad yet subtle strokes here. Several things seem to be happening on the album as a whole and on individual tracks, most of these things taking place beneath the surface: from the violins and electric bell sounds of the opening track to the lush strings of Stop Pretending, to the abrupt percussion on ...The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, to the quasi-whistling on Super Sun to the slight country sound on Technically, this is Cobhams harnessing what he had dispelled in previous works. From the general to the particular, he has taken the subtle composition from Asa’s debut, the pop sensitivity from Darey’s Undareyted and the whistling from Girl on a Plane a great but criminally overlooked song from Faze’s Independent. Added to these is the mastery of the mix on the remix to the title track featuring pleasing verses from three rappers (elDee especially keen to remind the public that before his present phase of assisted singing he was a rapper of immense talent, Chocolate City’s Ice Prince delivers as usual and surprise addition Eva reduces her Nicki Minaj influence to drop what is sure to be her best lines so far.)

Still, Bez is not the 90s musician of the noughties, he can’t be. His audience has been cut out for him already. At least he doesn’t pretend like he is (the last song on the album dismisses the common childhood rhymes  of the average Nigerian as stupid even as he renders the  nursery rhymes of richer kids more reverentially, a less elitist artist would recognize that while those songs are not packed with meaning, they are still far from stupid). His album jacket suggests he had elite education, his voice doesn’t have the accent or grit of the longsuffering Nigerian and his music is too smooth to be visceral but his themes are personal and by speaking for one man, one man in love, one man in the throes of lust for a stranger, one man contemplating the ways of the world he succeeds in speaking for all of us even if it’s in a language a majority of Nigerians won’t understand for as Clint Eastwood has said, “Emotions don’t need translation”. Pity then, that most won’t get to listen to his music- they would be too busy dancing to other artistes display cash and conquests.

Bez would definitely not sell out and his songs would not receive massive airplay. He can blame his genre or the audience, but in a clime where those with the credentials for singing conscious music are distracted by the concept of ‘swagger’ and fail to craft socially relevant songs, he can console himself that he has come good.
Thus, the new era has raised two artistes, who would have been defeated by the rough nature of the path to music stardom in the 90s, to prominence but while they both have super galactic aims, one succumbs to the new order and thrives on it, the other seeks to redefine it and possibly transcend it. However, listeners would recognize that neither artiste really reflects their circumstance.
May the better artiste sell more units?
 Don’t count on it.

Oris Aigbokhaevbolo
 Asokoro, Abuja.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

FRESH GRASS



His wife had been complaining about his behaviour. It had been more about his demeanour- he would sit on the wooden chair facing the window, during the day, eyes half closed and not sleeping, looking out to the Mount Pati. Sometimes she would hear him say, “It’s green up”. Other times he’d be quiet and so still that she would have to peer in his face to serve him his meal; at such times, he would remain still and bat his eyelids. When he doesn’t bat his lids she knows he’s asleep and even after patting him on the shoulder he would refuse to lie on the bed.

When he does finally come to bed- around midnight-he would trace his hands through the base of her once full hair till he reaches her temple. Such a gesture might have been taken for an old man’s idea of romance or foreplay even. That would be a mistake. The weaving of fingers through the hair had a meditative quality about it; he seemed to be contemplating something indefinable about the hair. The gentility of the act had initially excited her but after weeks when it never led anywhere; she grew tired of it and him.

She had called the children.
 One of the children had volunteered, at least so she was told, to take him away from Lokoja. He had to travel against his will, he hated travelling. He had once remarked that travelling made him feel like a sack of rice.
She took him to the park- really just a restaurant and filling station with an expanse of parking space. There they waited both standing, she with arms folded across her chest, he a wizened man stooping and holding a bag touching the ground. High above them in the upper storey a speaker played old gospel music interspersed with announcements of the buses arriving and leaving; the announcements are made in a thick Ibo accent and she finds it hard to follow. The place itself crawled with hawkers and stationary sellers of boiled groundnuts, rust coloured smoked fish, bottled drinks.  She thought one could find anything locally edible and cheap here.
“Announcing the arrival of Eagle line from Abuja to Benin...”

She unfolds her arms and is about to tell him but she sees he has lifted his bag. She sees his arm rising to her head and she bends slightly to prevent him from stretching fully. It’s a conciliatory gesture now, one to which she accedes to with a grateful smile.
As he walked toward the bus his face showed determination against this moving mammoth medium of immobilization. 

His son lives in Benin and in a house without a window looking at mountains. So he’d lie in the visitor’s room till his youngest grandchild totters her way to the room. Facing the wall most times, he’d hear the awkward sounds her small feet make on the carpet. Holding her up, he’d try to contemplate how her face would have changed when she’s ten. He stores the picture.
Naturally, she has more immediate concerns. She stretches her arm letting her fingers brush his wrinkles and abruptly she hits him vigorously, her body quaking with the effort. She does this every day till he is convinced she’s trying to beat his stubborn lines into evenness. The sound of the whacking is probably loud as the mother always appears at the time to offer to rid him of the burden. Always, he shakes his head and looking embarrassed, she walks away. Mostly, he’d set the girl on the carpet and sit on the bed watching her play. He never stops her when she reaches between his open legs for the snuffbox under the bed. He lets her be when she opens it and licks then chuckles at the look on her face. She does this for five days before the taste becomes indelible in her memory and she never attempts to even look under the bed.

Two weekends after his arrival, his son takes the family to a church picnic where he sits away from the gathering. Minutes later when the feast begins, he spreads his palm on the grass; he is thrilled by the coolness and he lies on the grass, tilting his head up so the grass touches the nape of his neck. A smile happens on the face, his lips trembling at the sheer thrill. The other picnickers look at him but say nothing- either for respect of age or in awe of senility. In religious circles, motives are hard to tell.

On the way to the vehicle, the daughter-in-law picks blades of leaves from his native trying not to appear insistent; so it wouldn’t look like he has embarrassed the family.
He insists on the front seat which he gets. As the son drives he notes the tension between both seats. It is so obvious he thinks mother and daughter behind cannot see the windshield.
He allows himself to smile at his own metaphor.

He hasn’t been a good father so far. And how much time had he left? He thinks. His son can’t even look at him. As his son shifts gears, he places his left hand atop his son’s. The young man is startled but maintains composure and slips his hand from underneath. He looks straight ahead and continues driving.
How much time left? An apology would be good, advice better. He knows. However both habit and not speaking for weeks prevent the words from forming. Besides, he realizes he can never be fully absolved from his deeds or misdeeds.
But one can try…
When he does speak, cracking the thick silence, he says’ “put fresh grass in, make the grass plenty”. He’s ashamed he can’t replace giving errands with giving advice. He believes silence was better than his speech and in chagrin, looks out the window. He sees amusement on his daughter-in-law’s face as she holds the sleeping child in her arms.
She’s amazed at the extent of his calm senility.
Two days later, she doesn’t hear the whacking sounds after sending her little girl into the room. In its place, she hears cries. She walks to the room and sees her father-in-law on the ground, still, and the girl squatting beside him crying.
She leaves the girl there and walks to the master bedroom where she dials her husband. Before it connects, she recalls what are now his last words.  She understands what he meant now. She cries at her understanding. The husband rushes home uttering the condolence clichés, “he’s in a better place; God has taken…” misunderstanding the source of her grief.


Oris Aigbokhaevbolo
Asokoro, Abuja

Saturday, September 24, 2011

WEDDINGS BELLS OR ARE MY EARS JUST RINGING?


Am planning my wedding already! Well not exactly because am ready to marry now or have become “endowed” all of a sudden, it’s my family. The thing is my younger sister got married last weekend and am next in line.  According to my family members, that’s a qualifying factor for marriage- not the attainment of a Nobel peace  prize for literature or a fat bank account but just because everyone else is married.
Funny enough, I have also begun to give it a serious thought like a lady would.  I cannot say their hounding me every other day over the issue is the only impulse repelling the inertia towards the aisle. My girlfriend has also been a major force pushing for the grand ceremony. She has finally gotten allies on her side and this “unholy” alliance is both overwhelming and irritating. Don’t get me wrong, am all for forever- happy-ever-after unions. It comes with major perks like free sex and free sex. Who can complain about that?  But the way this folks are going about it, I begin to ask whether there is still such a thing as free will. For instance on my sister’s wedding day, my relatives kept saying, Itua, na you remain o! You are next in line o! The most bizarre and rather obnoxious one was when an aunt of mine who does event planning and catering services for a living walked towards me with a rather whimsical smile and said: “Abeg when na your turn, make una hire me”. And I smiled back until I realized she was serious. It took the remnant of gumption left inside me to leave without revealing my distaste. She didn’t know whether I was in a relationship or not and am sure she didn’t care. All she was concerned with was the business angle. I certainly do not blame her at all. Economics drive motives nowadays so she’s allowed to make a buck or two off me. At least that way the money will circulate within the family.  
Well, I admit the pressure has gotten to me so much so that am going to have to vent in print! I would say a thing or two about what I know (and hate) about weddings and marriages in general as I begin to plan towards mine...
Marriage in itself is wonderful. It was instituted and ordained by God primarily for companionship and also for procreation. The joy of raising a family is an experience and an adventure especially when it’s with someone you love (or can tolerate). The biblical account of the first marriage didn’t really state whether there was a wedding ceremony in the sense. Am guessing there were lots of fruits to eat and probably wine. There was no wedding gown, tuxedo or áso ѐbi’s because the couple were stark naked.  This portrays a clear picture of simplicity; a far cry from what we have today. Am not advocating Stone Age philosophy (considering am referring to paradise) but the truth is that the monies spent planning and executing weddings these days is astronomical. Am working the cost estimate for the simplest wedding I can imagine and the word “million” keeps coming up.  Money for introduction, traditional wedding and then the “white” drives prices through the roof. When Albert Einstein said, “everything should be as simple as possible but not simpler”, he probably had a wedding in mind.

THE INTRODUCTION
A wedding today isn’t just an occasion, it’s an event. It begins with the introduction, where the bride’s family meet the groom and his family “formally” as though they have never seen him before. The same guy who has been frequenting the house and shagging their daughter is now formally introduced.  It’s so funny really.  All so that we can have Fááji. Hypocrisy or just tradition, I cannot say which but that's the least of our concern money wise. The cost estimate here even if she is from Anambra state should be under a hundred thousand naira. Ibo kwenu!
 TRADITIONAL
After the “introduction”, then the next stage is the traditional marriage. Here, it’s another chance for the bride’s family to spend some **ing money (Arsenal fans know what I mean). The groom pays some money to take his bride legitimately (am guessing what he’s been getting before now has been for free). After the dowry and bride price have been exchanged, and the kinsmen have been well fed, the union can be consummated. Cost estimate even if you are from Anambra state should be at most half a million.
THE WEDDING PROPER.
You have to find a venue, a decorator, a caterer (am still in doubt whether people still cook themselves again), and an event planner (they help take away lots of stress).
Also finding the perfect wedding gown can be a pain. Good wedding gowns cost an arm.  If you get your gown and tux from Mary’s Bridals or David’s Bridals and your rings from Tiffany and Co., you are certainly in good company. Whether or not you can pay for it is another matter all together. Even if we were to be very conservative, purchasing commodities from Vera Wang would still be out of reach for most people. Bottom line, more money! On the romantic side, the couple also have to choose a song they will dance to. This too cost money as you have to find a good DJ to give you the sound that fits the hall. Speaking of DJ’s, last week I discovered to my horror that you can have all the money in the world and be a guru at planning but all you need for it to rain on your parade is for a DJ to screw you up.  A certain DJ Blend decided not to show up at all for the wedding. He probably got drunk partying the night before and decided he had better things to do than to honor an agreement.  If you are planning a wedding or a party or anything at all, you need to avoid him like a plague especially if you live in Abuja. Luckily for us, we had a back up that we called-in under short notice. Praise Ye the Lord.
I can go on and on about cost. The only respite for some couples is the revenue derived from the sale of Aso Ebi’s’ that help raise money for the wedding. Also, monies sprayed during the ceremonies usually help to settle unpaid bills if it is not pilfered. To think that a CBN governor almost closed this lucrative spraying business for no reason other for self aggrandisement is ludicrous.
A friend of mine had a court wedding a while ago and I really envied him for his courage and most especially the simplicity. I know I would be daydreaming if I proposed that simple but wonderful union to my fiancé. She would rather kill me than not have the big wedding (of course am joking about the killing part). And no, she is not materialistic. She is the most loving person I know and yet there would be no compromise on such issues. So I won’t bring up a court wedding for fear of my life (again am joking, she really isn’t violent). The truth is that something in me also wants to be in the spot light for once in my life. I want to be to be seen by all. I envisage a reception hall where all are gathered of me for me and by me. My wedding should be a place where I am the centre of attention and that desire for recognition is a basic human need.  Not to forget the gifts you can get after the wedding.  The era of plastic coolers, cups and trays is gone. People get as “little” as flat screen TV’s, washing machines and microwaves these days. A lady friend of mine once told me that I shouldn’t rush into buying electronics appliances for my house because I was sure of getting them in my wedding which brings me to the investment aspect of marriage I will discuss some other time.
I believe that marriage is the race and the wedding is the starting point therefore more resources should be ploughed into finishing the race rather than starting it. Our culture encourages short term gratification over the longer lasting outcome. The showmanship and “bigmanism” lifestyle we adopt now have influenced more people into outdoing themselves.  My hope is that we try to model unions after the one in the Garden of Eden. The book of Proverbs (chapter 24:27) advises men to provide for themselves adequately before thinking about marriage. This scripture is the only trump card I have left.   While I hold this card tenaciously for dear life, I would say in deference to Mr. Einstein that a wedding should be as simple as possible and possibly simpler.  

©2011 Ewoigbokhan Otaigbe Itua
Lagos, Nigeria
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Sunday, September 11, 2011

THE QUESTION THE WHITEMAN ASKED MY FATHER


Agbonika
Where to flows this river

Father looked up and looked down
Then looked at the face of the river
Two men standing under water
And then told the whiteman to take off his hat
Drop it on the river
And watch

©2011 Ladi Opaluwa
Kogi, Nigeria

Monday, September 5, 2011

AN END OF AN ERA?


The game of lawn tennis is not necessarily  popular amongst us. The frenzy exhibited by fans for other sports such as soccer and to a lesser extent athletics is not accorded to tennis. But whether we are active followers or not, the name Roger Federer would ring a bell in every ear. Roger has lit up the world of lawn tennis in Nigeria and created a fan base that has grown gradually over the years.   He, alongside the Williams sisters and Raphael Nadal have ensured that even lukewarm tennis fans have become keenly interested in how the Grand Slams go down. With 16 grand slam titles, a seemingly indomitable streak at the number one spot and a charming personality- both on and off the court- it is no wonder his support base is phenomenal.
Federer has shown a type of consistency for high performance that is rarely seen particularly in contemporary sports. In eight years, he racked up 16 grand slam titles among other trophies. He also maintained his number one ranking for about five straight years and has managed to remain in the top three when not playing at his regular best.

It has not always been rosy for Roger Federer; in fact at one point in his career (2003), Federer was labeled as the best player in tennis not to have won a Grand Slam title.  That was soon to change as he started his historic grand slam haul that year and by 2009, he had won on all surfaces including Roland Garos.
Federer’s all round game is superb and perhaps his greatest weapon is the mastery with which he wields his racket with pin-point accuracy when hitting the ball. The flair displayed when he switches from back hand to front is second to none.  Off the court, he is also a gentle man, married to his long time girl friend and blessed with twins. He is among the rare list of sport mega stars not to be smeared with some form of “controversy” in their private lives.

Most people are adulated after retirement but while still playing, Federer is already being labeled a legend. He is mentioned in the same breath with great names like Rod Laver, Pete Sampras and Bjorn Bjorg.
I cannot completely discuss Federer’s career without mentioning Raphael Nadal. Rafael Nadal and Federer provided one of the greatest rivalries ever seen in the history of tennis rivaling that of McEnroe and Bjorg.
At the time when Federer reigned supreme in men’s tennis, seeing him on the opposite side of the court was psychologically demoralizing for any opponent. He completely demolished those who stood in his  way with ease until Nadal’s entrance onto the scene proved a stumbling block.   Rafael Nadal’s physical approach to games coupled with his never-say-die attitude quickly proved to become Federer’s nemesis. Nadal’s advantage on clay began to extend to other surfaces until he wrested the top spot away from Federer. He is presently the only player to have a significant head-to-head advantage over Roger Federer.

But unlike Nadal who left tennis fans feeling pity for his (Nadal’s) opponents, Federer’s sheer poetry on the court ensured that while he ravaged his opponents, fans gasped more at his artistry. 

Since 2008, Federer has shown a decline in consistency and achievements that has seen him drop in the world rankings to number three. His vulnerabilities were exposed by Tsonga at Wimbledon and also at the Rogers Cup. Some believe we have seen the end of the Federer especially with the likes Djokovic charting a new course. Federer's supporters can point at his showing in Roland Garros and the fact that he is the only man so far to have beaten a fit Djokovic this year. I believe Federer still has a lot more to offer for as long as he remains in competitive tennis. If his comments in Flushing Meadows are anything to go by then we can expect him to throw everything he’s got to reclaim the number one spot. 

Since 2003, Federer has won at least one grand slam every year. He has only Flushing Meadows this year to maintain that tradition, and on his current form, it may be wishful thinking to assume he would accomplish this. One thing is for sure, should he retire now, Federer will be regarded as one of the greatest if not the greatest tennis player that ever graced this planet. I do agree that the Federer dynasty may have ended but I believe he still has one or two Grand Slams left in him.

Predictions… 

For Flushing Meadows, Djokovic starts as overwhelming favorite; he appears and has said he is completely over his Cincinati setback. The opening rounds support this. Nadal who is expected to provide Djokovic’s sternest challenge did not have the best of preparations and his once famous mental strength is already being questioned going by his recent comments. Federer has shown recently that players from the top ten can trouble him, while Murray has consistently taught us not to depend on him when it matters most.
For the women, with the comeback queen and defending champion (Clijsters) not playing; with Sharapova out and the world number one not consistent enough, barring some snares from the old Soviet republics, I think Serena Williams can go all the way.

©2011 Colin Obaitan
Lagos, Nigeria