ABUJA BOMBING: A HOUSE OF CARDS

Yet again Nigeria’s national security was breached on Friday when a bomb was detonated in the nation’s federal capital Abuja. The United Nation (UN) building was the target and was reduced to rubble after a suicide bomber detonated a bomb leaving about 23 dead and several more seriously injured. This is the second major attack on the Nation’s Capital by the Islamist Militant Group, Boko Haram. This time around, they have not only chosen a different kind of target but have also amplified the magnitude and scale of the attacks. Without a doubt, this is a terrorist attack and has been condemned by several governments around the world.  

Boko Haram has grown from their “humble beginnings”- killing locals in Maiduguri and Bauchi- to invoking worldwide attention by unleashing mayhem characteristic of groups such as Al-Qaeda and Hezbollah. Their attacks have also grown in boldness, intensity and “finesse” which suggest exterior influence. Boko Haram also seemed to be more organized and better financed. They have hitherto attacked only Nigerian symbols of authority like the Police and the NYSC and have raised serious questions by their attack on the UN.  Has the organization been taken over completely by outside forces and if so by what degree? Secondly, are they still implementing their agenda or is another organization using the Boko Haram structure to implement theirs? A statement credited to Boko Haram after the blast reads: “More attacks are on the way, and by the will of Allah we will have unfettered access to wherever we want to attack”, the spokesman, Abu Darda said by phone. “We have more than 100 men who are willing to lay down their lives for the cause of Allah”. (Source:   Thisday live ). This statement is not characteristic of the Boko Haram we are used to, something doesn’t seem right here. My belief is that they have been infiltrated by a more organized group. The FG had the opportunity to stem this ugly tide some three –four years ago but mismanagement the situation as usual which has led to this.

When I watched CNN and Aljazeera’s coverage of the bombing, I was beginning to wonder whether it was my country these guys were referring to.  The fact that what we hear about in countries like Syria and Iraq have begun to manifest here is a sad thing. How we got from a relatively non violent country to a fertile ground for Islamic fundamentalism is a question to ponder. The Nigerian Government seems helpless. They issued a statement describing the blast as an attack on the global community. They are very quick to share the responsibility with the “global community”. What did we do when this was only a local problem? What steps did we take when the seed was still budding? Security forces paid lip service to the situation. Members of the House would institute an investigation of enquiry and call the Inspector General of Police for a jamboree in National Assembly Complex. The I.G would in turn talk tough: “we will fish them out, there is no hiding place, they will all face justice”, and afterwards it becomes business as usual until something worse happens.

To be honest we do need all the help the global community can offer. Our security forces cannot adequately cope. They have been embarrassed time and time again and should be assisted to find out the perpetuators of evil. 

What worries me the most is the suicide bombing dimension this attacks have taken. A suicide bomber can be anyone. He can be anywhere and the thought of this is terrifying.   Who are these 100 men the Boko Haram spokesman talks about? When were they recruited and who recruited them? These are the questions our security forces should concern themselves with. I do believe that Nigerians do not take their lives. We can be accused of many things but suicide bombing is hardly one of them. My strong conviction is that these suicide bombers are not Nigerians. There have been reports that al-Qaeda may have infiltrated Boko Haram and begun training Boko Haram members in Niger and Somalia. They have been wounded by the death of their leader Osama bin Laden and his deputy and with their finances closely monitored by the FBI it is becoming harder for them to carry out their activities so Boko Haram seems  a fertile ground to plant their seed.

Terrorism is not the easiest battle to fight. We are faced with a faceless enemy who does not have any regard for the rule of law or for human life. The Nigeria Police is also ill equipped to fight crime let alone terrorism of this scale. The quick fix extra judicial killing of Boko Haram leader, Mohammed Yusuf escalated the problem.  The Police do not seem to have a database of all suspected Boko Haram members so it’s hard to see where they will begin their investigation? There are however some other ways to they could have tackled this problems. Why couldn’t the police deploy some of its members into Maiduguri to infiltrate the group and act as loyal members years ago? Success in anything does not come cheap. It would have been a risky venture but by now if the “under cover” police men were successful, we would know the master minds by now. Wouldn’t they have fingered the so called politicians who are behind the group? Common sense suggests that Boko Haram would have had the UN building under surveillance for at least a week. Some of them would have even entered for fictitious reasons to gather information on the security arrangements. Are we now saying that there are no security cameras in the UN building? Another suggestion on how this ugly tide can be stemmed is simple but very effective way of following the money. Bombs cost money. Facilities to train suicide bombers cost money. Everything cost money. So knowing the financial sources of these terrorists is extremely important. If there are Nigerians involved then it would be more difficult to trace because of the Ghana-Must-Go syndrome but at least the trail will end somewhere. The truth is that people are just mentally lazy and are just concerned about collecting salaries at the end of the month. It’s also worrisome that nobodies job is threatened because of these attacks. If not, we would have had a better way around this Boko Haram menace ages ago.

Boko Haram’s activities have forced the government to its knees. And this is why the government considered negotiating with them. Terrorism isn’t a battle to be fought by setting up panels of enquiries or “fact finding missions” often embarked by the National Assembly. So long as no one has been tried and killed by the state for these crimes, our security forces will look impotent. Boko Haram will not take them seriously and will exhibit no restraints in their killing more innocent people. Nobody till today has heard anything about the Iranian diplomats accused of smuggling war heads into this country and we claim to be fighting terrorism.

Goodluck Jonathan has become President at a trying time for Nigeria. The mere fact that he tinkered with the idea of negotiating with these murderers shows a lot about his character. He is sending out the wrong message. All anyone needs to do is cause disruption in law and other and you can cower the President into making decision. What Nigerians need now is truly decisive and sincere leadership. The president must realize that he was not appointed President but elected. He was elected by the people and it’s his responsibility to defend them. President Jonathan must act with some steel. He should spend a lot more on defense and intelligence gathering. He should desist from playing politics and meddling in affairs of the judiciary and tenure elongation and face issues that affect Nigerians directly. A public awareness campaign should also be built to make Nigerians more security conscious. We should become our brother’s keepers and look out for each other. Discipline among public servants must also be instilled especially in the police. The times where people with Jeeps and luxury cars are allowed to go freely on highways without security checks while other Nigerians are harassed must end. Those armored jeeps could be transporting bombs across the country. Security agents must begin to do their jobs wholeheartedly. We also do need help from the international community. I hear the FBI is coming to help out. This is a welcome development. The Nigerian Government must also address security issues with sincerity. The lies and politics government officials’ play is really alarming. For example, when there was a public outcry against Boko Haram after the Police Head Quarter bombing, we did not need detractors telling the President that amnesty was readily granted to Niger Delta Militants and so Boko Haram should be granted the same courtesy. Surely even the most circumspect President would be forced to tread more carefully. These politickings of national issues have made the President’s job a lot harder. Because the President tries to please all parties (especially the most powerful ones), he ends up doing nothing at all. When a sitting government begins to speak about negotiation with anti government parties that have obvious nihilistic agendas, then it’s obvious there is trouble. Imagine if the US government back in 2001 for a round table discussion with Osama bin Laden in 2001 to “uncover his grievance”.

The President’s inaction is turning out to be more destructive as we are now left to the bloodshed unleashed of Boko Haram. This issue to me is by far the greatest challenge Nigeria has ever faced in her history. The Niger Delta crisis and Civil war is nothing compared to suicide bombing. One thing Jonathan should not do is to allow sentiments into this issue. He has a good heart and I believe he knows what is right for the country. Whoever is remotely connected to these crimes must be brought to book whether the person is highly placed or not. Too many jobbers and pen pushing sycophants are in government. They politicize, ethicize, and bring religion into everything to create disharmony. Boko Haram is the enemy and should be seen as such. Am emphasizing this because sentiments are the bane of the mediocrity we see in Nigeria. It’s the reason a mediocre is giving a job over a qualified person. It’s the reason people went about killing innocent people because the CPC lost election (by the way no one has been tried for those murders), it’s the same reason the Supreme Council for Sharia (a Muslim group) was backing Islamic banking not for its credence but because it begins with the word-Islamic.

I believe in Nigeria and I know that with sincere efforts we will pull through this problem. We have survived challenges before and we will do so again. It was happy to see citizens in Abuja rally around the National Hospital Abuja to donate blood (Free-of-charge) to the injured. Adversity is bringing us together and we are beginning to see the value inhumanity. The enemies of freedom will not prevail against this great nation and light will certainly prevail against darkness

©2011 Ewoigbokhan Otaigbe Itua

P-square: A Familiar Invasion

How do you improve on a working formula? According to Peter and Paul, you don’t!

The twin brothers are back for the fourth time in 10 years and if you missed any of the previous installments, relax, nothing has changed. Just slot in the CD and you will be transported back into their history, one replete with average beats, weak lyrics, weak vocals, and a weak imitation of popular songs. The only feature that might stand out as not “weak” is the packaging. Yes, the brothers might not be wildly imaginative but they do know a lot about packaging- more thought was put into the CD cover and costume than the entire album lyrics.

That is not to say some things have not been added. The packaging yet again was improved upon. To show they are also song writers, P-square have decided to add the lyric sheet to the package. But not to worry, your favourite group have not turned into overnight intellectuals; the group who once sang, “I’m standing all alone, on my own” has not changed. The song Asa Mkpokoto has this as lyrics: “You pretending you love me de hurt me, while you de job me? Suddenly you’re using my head.”

See? Yours forever, P-square.

At least they have solved the conundrum about who writes their lyrics. Over to you, Tuface...

There is also some diversity on who they imitated for this album. In the past it was R&B artists like Craig David or Keith Sweat. Now, almost distinctly, Savage Garden is here on the hook on the first song, Beautiful Onyinye - a follow up to the success of Ifunanya and No One Be like You. If the matrimonial use of Ifunanya and No One Be like You were inadvertent, trust Peter and Paul, there would be no ambiguity this time- they let this one go all out. ”Nne meh na the girl I wan marry/the girl I wan carry” later the song implores the in laws to wombolo wombolo eh- whatever that means. The boys just don’t stop.

The album is not only a throwback to where music has been, it is also a face of what is. The present techno beat craze finds a spot too, actually several spots: Jeje and Anything.

There are no musical or lyrical achievements here, if you like a song here it is because you have liked an earlier T-Pain or Plantashun Boiz or Faze or even P-Square song. The real achievement is how they have survived this long on the same formula.

But really, what do they care? They pretty much summarized their ‘mission statement’ on the title track from their last album: “Them say, who say? Na dem go tire eh. We still dey hammer eh...”

©2011 Oris Aigbokhaevbolo

ARSENAL TROPHY QUEST: MIRAGE OR REALITY? (PART 3)

 Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. (Albert Einstein)

A new English Premier League (EPL) football season kicked off on Saturday after almost three months of excruciating wait. The players and teams are well rested and am hoping this season promises to be as nail biting as the last. My weekends have been at best lackluster with nothing exciting to do or watch and now that the football season is back on, we return to the regular week- in -week- out action. The rush of blood will rise once more, fans will also begin to jeer, and punches will certainly be traded as fans exchange bragging right over the other.  Another regular feature in football viewership in Nigeria is the change of footballer’s name. Christiano Ronaldo has been renamed Christi. Lionel Messi has also been christened Messiless Messi by some or God have Messi by others. Theo Walcott is nicknamed Okada, Rio Ferdinand is rightly called IGBO and when Alexander Hleb was in form at Arsenal, the name Shakira was screamed aloud when he dazzled defenders with his quick feet. The football culture in Nigeria is simply extraordinary. Love and affection is shown by fans to players considered “theirs” and hate to the others of the opposing team. You feel bitter when your team loses but ecstatic when they win, and we love every bit of EPL-the tension, the hype, the commentary, everything!

Football viewing centers’ will once again make tons of money. The rates per head in some centers have gone up from fifty naira to a hundred naira in many places. The EPL and football at large is big business in Nigeria. Whether the broadcast rights are purchased directly by corporate organizations like Multichoice and HITV or relayed by “SME” in Somolu or Bariga, it doesn’t matter. The vibe is felt by everyone and in every corner. If as little as 50 people watch just one match a week (that’s assuming none of the top four sides are playing against themselves), these viewing centers’ make at least 20,000 naira in a single weekend. And with HITV losing out to DSTV for broadcasting rights, our small entrepreneurs do not have to bother about two pay TV subscriptions. They also have nothing to fear again as DSTV would not bother bullying them into paying levies for showing matches like HITV tried to do.

HITV has nothing else to offer football lovers anymore save for the Carling Cup and I see no way out of this dark (very dark) tunnel for this pay TV Company. Nobody really cares about the Carling Cup until the quarter finals and that’s supposing a top premiership team is still in it. They focused their marketing and advertising on “disloyal” football fans (for good reason), but left out the more important “loyal” house wives, kids, and intelligentsia (who would rather watch a documentary on archeology than a Manchester United, Barcelona final any day).  So when Hurricane Sansui’s swept the banking industry, and the sugar daddy banks couldn’t provide more loans, HITV could not pay up anymore.  Football fans like me and most of you who HITV invested so much in simply went on to renew our DSTV (FULL) subscription. It’s a tough world you know…

Back to the EPL…

The season starts with Manchester United looking to make it 20, while the other title challengers like Chelsea and Manchester City chase closely behind. Liverpool on the other hand would set getting back into the elite four as a major objective. Kenny Dalglish’s sides have added the likes of Jordan Henderson, Stewart Downing and Alex Doni to their January signings.  They also look well equipped to compete going into the new campaign considering how strongly they ended last season. The inclusion of Suarez and Carol gave the team the added pep going forward. Manchester City, the new big money spenders have brought in the likes of Sergio Aguero to add to the misery of defenders.  Chelsea FC signed on a new coach who is born in the image and likeness of the Special One. How this works out for them giving that they have basically the same players would be interesting to see.  The only top four team that looks least ready for this season is Arsenal. Arsenal, after Saturday’s game with Newcastle look to me like they have continued from where they stopped last season. There has been no credible activity in the transfer market as far as buying players is concerned.  Watching football now as an Arsenal fan  isn’t really as pleasurable as before. Those days, I relished when Arsenal began their build up on the left with an Ashley Cole pass to Robert Pires. Pires would make a 50 meter dash and find Fredrik Ljungberg or Patrick Viera somewhere in the middle. I could count on Viera to make those dashing runs into the midfield to lay a short pass to Dennis Bergkamp who would flick the ball stylishly to Thierry Henry. Igwe would move the ball to the left a bit and curl the ball with the inside of his right foot into the corner of the post far away from the reach of any goal keeper. And yes, his cocky celebration was always a delight to watch. It made opposing fans mad with disgust. That was pleasure. Oh, I forgot to mention that this counter attack was managed in just 7 seconds! Yes that was the Arsenal I loved to watch. The one where Arsenal meted out carnage to the team that scored us first. For every one goal we conceded, Arsenal scored you double. We didn’t crack up and cry like William Gallas. Viera stood up to Gary Neville and would throw a punch if it became necessary. That’s the stuff the Gunners were made up of back then. We didn’t just play sexy football; we owned that kind of play in Europe. Only Frank Rijkaard’s Barcelona and the Del Bosque’s Galacticos could boast otherwise. The name Gunners meant something to everybody. How Arsenal got from where we were then to what we have become now is moot and can only be left for rocket scientist to figure out.

THE MAN WHO CAUSED IT

Arsѐnѐ Wenger, a man who joined Arsenal in 1996 is by far the most successful manager the club has ever had. But lately (I mean in the last five or six years), he seems to have taken deliberate steps to get us back to the boring-boring days. Last season in my opinion is one of the worst the club has ever had in its history. It was simply humiliating. Only true Arsenal fans can share the amount of pain they felt as we watched our team fall before Birmingham, Barca and Man U.  Arsenal had its eyes on four trophies and a most shameful draw at St James’ Park to Newcastle in the Premiership and a loss at Wembley to Birmingham in the Carling Cup final was enough to cripple the rest of the season. Simply pathetic.

With the way last season ended, it was obvious that we needed to do something defensively. Arsenal conceded more goals from set pieces than all Premiership teams combined. Silly defensive errors cost us games we could have easily won.  Andy Carroll’s goal at Emirate Stadium comes easily to mind. Home and away games to Harry Redknapp’s Tottenham are other examples of our lack of defensive capabilities and yet we are yet to see a defensive addition to the team in the beginning of a new campaign.

Up front if we had half a striker to support Robin van Persie, the gunners would have certainly won at least one trophy. Maroaune Chamakh has been quite disappointing and is simply unreliable.  And what does Arsene Wenger do to help; he buys three players whose average age is 17.  The lack of depth and experience is the crux of the Arsenal problem and so the logic behind Arsene’s decision to buy “kids” in addition to those in the crèche is unfathomable? He has sold virtually all the experienced players we have in exchange for these teenagers. What kind of impact do Oxlande Chamberlain and Ryo Miyachi hope to enact on this team? Who are these new players going to learn from? Is it Jack Wilshire or Walcott? How will the pair manage against aggressive players like Anderson and Nani in the midfield? Good players like to play alongside other good players. Which sensible established player would agree to sign for Arsenal with the current pack? Save for Fabregas (who is on his way out) and Robin van Persie, no other Arsenal player has a trophy to his name.

Wenger’s philosophy which made him buy unknown players and groom them till they become stars has failed. It worked with players like Patrick Viera and Thierry Henry but the truth is that football has changed and Wenger has refused to conform to the current realities of the sport leaving the club to suffer for it. In recent times, his budding stars have left the club prematurely causing a disruption in the team. We have had to start two separate team rebuilding processes because of unforeseen exits of key players.

Now at the start of a new campaign, the mass exodus of players is yet imminent. Even if I can justify the selling of Thierry Henry and Patrick Viera (who by the way are still playing competitive football), how does he defend the sale of Alexander Hleb, Flamini, Lassnna Diara, and to a lesser extent Emmanuel Adebayor. Countless times Sir Alex Ferguson has stood in the way of transfers away from Old Trafford because he always considered the club above the player. In Wenger’s world, when a player seeks a transfer it is handed to him because he doesn’t want an unhappy or “unsettled” player in his team.

If he knows it is impossible to keep the talents we bud, why doesn’t he guy established players. Players who would add some confidence and experience into the team. Yes, I agree that Fabregas has given his all to the club but selling the captain without any replacement will certainly be detrimental to the club. We will indeed be lucky if we finish in the top ten.  Right now as it stands, without Fabregas, Arsenal cannot create goal scoring chances. I watched the game against Newcastle and one of the pre season games and it is obvious that we cannot compete at the top level.  There was absolutely nothing close to the much needed creativity Cesc brings to the team. Girvinho might be a good player but he is certainly not a great player. He is not Arsenal quality and he certainly is not the kind of player that can replace Cesc or Nasri at the moment.

Fabregas’ loss would be damaging to Arsenal. He is arguably one of the most creative players in the world. Fabregas arrived England eight years ago known virtually by nobody outside Catalonia where he hails from. He is now one of the most celebrated players on the planet and a brain child of Wenger’s genius. He has scored 57 goals in 303 appearances for Arsenal with the 2005 FA Cup trophy has his only trophy for Arsenal. He created 72 chances from 1887minutes played in the 2010/2011 season. Fabregas has created more chances than any other player in Europe’s top five divisions (England’s Premier League, Spain’s La Liga, Italy’s Seria A, France’s Ligue 1 and Germany’s Bundesliga) since 2006-07. He surpasses Barca’s Xavi, Chelsea’s Frank Lampard, Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard and Francesco Totti of Roma with a staggering 466 chances to his name. Cesc was injured for a good part of last season and yet only Bayern Munich’s Arjen Robben, Mesut Ozil of Real Madrid and Barca’s Lionel Messi provided more assist for league goals. Barca do not only want their boy back, they want their star back. They know what he will be worth to them and that says a lot about what we are about to lose. Fabregas is someone who would have gladly stayed longer in England had Wenger heeded advice to buy established players. Fabregas wants trophies and the present squad cannot deliver it. Belief and determination alone cannot do it but Wenger remained adamant. What is happening to the club now is his fault and he needs to know it. How he plans to remedy the situation is something only God can tell.

One nagging point I have still not gotten over is this: why did Arsene have to wait untill now before he realized we were in a crisis. As a manager, he has mismanaged the situation. The Cesc transfer rumors have been rife since the start of last season yet he carries a placid look on his face like he is surprised all this is happening to him.  We missed out on keeping players like Flamini and signing others because of needless discrepancies in pay. The way things are going, we are heading for another trophy less season. Top flight football isn’t even about just buying players. The players have to stay and play together to get used to themselves. If and when Fabregas goes, it would mean the team would have a new captain. It would also mean they would have to adapt to a new style of play because presently Arsenal play around Fabregas. Isn’t this the kind of stuff teams resolve before starting new campaigns. It took the Gunners one season to adjust to playing without Hleb and Flamini, now the whole circus is about to go on again.

THE NASRI DILEMA

The other key player poised to leave the club is Samir Nasri. He would join Kolo Toure, Emmanuel Adebayor and Gael Clichy if the transfer to Manchester City is completed. It looks sensible to sell Nasri now because he will go for free next season when his contract expires. He would fetch the club close to 20 to 25 million pounds if he leaves goes now.  But Nasri also knows he would be the biggest beneficiary of a Fabregas exit. He would be given a freer role to play and hence a chance to prove himself more.  If he leaves for City he would meet an overcrowded Man City midfield with the likes of Edin Dzeko, new signing, Sergio Aguero and Carlos Tevez. Going to a club where he would have to fight for a shirt is not so wise to me. My advice to Wenger is to keep Nasri so as to have a semblance of continuity in the team. If anything comes out of the campaign, he may eventually sign for us but if he doesn’t what is 30 mil pounds compared with not seeing Champions league football next season.

CONCLUSION

I do not know how the season will end but I do know one thing: if we continue this campaign without Fabregas and Nasri, our trophy quest will certainly be a mirage.

©2011 Ewoigbokhan Otaigbe Itua

ABUJA, THEIR ABUJA

“Start spreading the news

I’m leaving today

I want to be a part of it

New York, New York

These vagabond shoes are longing to stray

Right through the very heart of it

New York...”

I have recently moved to Abuja in somewhat funny circumstances. It has to be about right? Perhaps, but the truth is more fantastic, there's the money but I could point you in the right direction.

It is from the Nicolas Cage movie Family Man. Really. There's this scene where he tells his love interest: "If I leave in France, it has to be in Paris, if in Italy it has to be Rome..."

I don’t remember much from the movie- I don’t even think the quote is accurate- but the idea has remained with me, ever since. I think I saw the movie as a teenager. Anyway, there it is. My reality grounded in the shaky foundations of fiction.

Recently I was asked by a writer friend about the switch and I told him: “You know how those American writers were moving to France in the 20s, 30s claiming to be in search of culture...?” Yes, that is the way I feel about this place.

Cage's character realizes his life is in the country eventually because of a woman, what else? This kind of disillusionment is the staple of art. But then they say art imitates life.

So I live in Asokoro in miraculous circumstance. And no, I don’t have a senator in my family or a relation that is a member of another money-grubbing class. The truth is much less glamorous.

  

Abuja, as I had told a girlfriend just as I was leaving Benin, is a place you have to incline your head so you don't miss anything. It is beautiful as only places housing stolen money can be, check out Switzerland...

However there is this uniformity in beauty that prevents the individual areas from standing out. It is boring, like a long tough marriage with a beautiful woman. It may be laughable but there is character in privation- the width and depth of the potholes, the cavernous gullies, trash-filled gutters, dirt roads etc lend a distinct quality to a place. The frequency of the holes in the Benin-Ore road tells the regular motorist that he/she cannot be any place else.

Here, the bridges are the same, all roads are slick, and the squalour that produces originality is missing. Garki 2, Asokoro, Maitama have the same vegetation, same bridges. Plus there only few signs not obscured by a tree or shrub, like the planners figured everyone here is telepathic.

It would help to walk as nothing gives a personal sense of geography as trekking; the old saw about walking so much ones shoes know the route to a place. But not in Abuja. It is not a land for pedestrians. If shame doesn’t kill you, a driver, high on the slickness of the roads would, especially on the tens of zebra crossings. So, you have to take a cab, there are places you can’t take a bus to. Coming from Benin where everyone is a bike person, this is strange.

The bus drivers and conductors are not quite like the red-eyed ones in Lagos or garrulous like the ones in Benin. They actually have their own seats (I no dey carry overload! is a common refrain). I guess, give a man a seat and watch him transform.

I have actually seen a good looking conductor with skinny jeans and a mohawk! I don’t think that image is possible in Ring road.

As for the people, they live securely in huge houses. Where your only chance of fraternising is in Silverbird Galleria or Ceddi plaza where the fear of a 400 per scoop ice cream ought to prevent an average bloke from saying hi. A friend made a comment the other day about how a thousand bucks in your pocket made u king in Benin and in Abuja 15k means you are rather average.

That statement is only a partial hyperbole.

So what that means is there is this conspiracy to keep the rest of us where we belong- away from the ‘owners’. Hence, I’ve only met fellow immigrants, Benin, Benue, Akwa Ibom etc. The inhabitants I’ve met live in Kubwa, Karu, Mararaba, Nyanya etc, never mind I live in the city. It is one big refugee camp with offices in the city and tents in the camp so by day everyone looks alike from afar but ask them where they are going after 5pm. If you suspect a fib, call two hours after work, if they are stuck in traffic, then you know. For the authorities in the matter of roads, it is a case of quality above quantity or maybe no one really cares about refugees, from Asokoro to Wuse there are several routes but from Nyanya to the city there is a single one. Ditto Kubwa. So there is a horrific jam on these roads every morning and evening. But not to worry, the same authorities enforce 8:00 am resumption time and are unwilling to pay 18,000 as minimum wage.

For some of us, who via miracles live in the city, the guise lent us by our address is one we take seriously: if you don’t have a BlackBerry you can always say you live in Asokoro and watch mouths water. If it were possible, most of us unlikely owners would switch our names, like the Hausa, to the place name: Hello my name is Edwin Maitama, John Asokoro etc... whatever gets you through. That is not assurance that you would ever meet any important personality, it is like two immiscible liquids in the great vessel called Abuja. We might live together but there is no mix. Oil to Water: “You’d never be this dense.”

There are other status symbols; the most common is the accent. It ranges from American to British to Caribbean to a barely discernible concoction. Anything is fine as long as it becomes evident that you have spent time outside the country whether the travel is astral or physical is unimportant.

The other day I attended Infusion, a monthly literary reading which alongside the writers, visual artists and musicians also features a potpourri of accents. It was gratifying to see a particularly accented lady make an elementary grammatical error. I chuckled at the time but after attending with a friend who rose to speak and to my surprise had a different voice from the one I have known for years, I regret that chuckle. It must be something in the water...

A lot of people living elsewhere routinely point fingers at the Abuja inhabitants saying things like, “They are living a fake life.” I might add that they have a fake accent too. But I understand now, I mean I take cabs to places needn’t have to and I guess that is my own equivalent of pseudo-accent synthesis- of Rome and Romans.

I am hoping I don’t get to the Nicolas Cage realization in Family Man, but I’d be lying if I say I don’t like the place despite the setting disillusionment.

A la Teju Cole, it is my own open city.

When I was preparing to leave Benin, it was Frank Sinatra’s New York, New York (which first verse is quoted above) that kept playing in my head: “I want to wake up in a city that doesn’t sleep/ and find I’m king of the hill, top of the heap/ these little town blues are melting away...”

I have loved several songs about New York and it is unfortunate that Abuja has not been given a befitting song in the manner of rock band U2 and their New York- I am talking of City of Blinding Lights, the aptly titled New York with its solemn eponymous chorus (even if it says in New York you “lose your balance, lose your wife...”) and their song on The Gangs of New York soundtrack, The Hands That Built America.

I have a fantasy involving speeding down a slick road in the real New York while Frank Sinatra’s New York, New York plays on the car stereo. I got close to it recently on my way to a reception held in This Day dome as the cab played Jay-Z’s Empire State of Mind and Alicia Keys screamed “New York! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of...”

But reality hits hard. I am as close to the fantasy as I am to Peru. Abuja runs a caste system. The commoners move everywhere working or looking for work, while the privileged live in the centre enjoying the fanciful amenities available.

The more fortunate ones live in the centre hoping to catch a glimpse of the elusive royal families.

It hasn’t happened; there is no indication that it will.

In the end, the rock songs often sing for the privileged only; and may capture the fantasies of the rest of us occasionally.

As we struggle to move up, while praying for that glorious chance encounter, it is a line from a well-worn hymn that captures the reality: “This world is not my own, I am just passing by...”

Oris Aigbokhaevbolo

Asokoro, Abuja: