THE OMERTA (A SHORT STORY)

I began to notice what was happening three months before now. Master started coming back home an hour or two after he left for work. Madam knew nothing about this. Whenever master came back home on days like this, he came with another woman. Though, it was madam who brought me to the house, master has been kind and accepted me without any objection.  I had to be loyal to him as well or did I?

I probably would have thought nothing of all this if master hadn’t behaved so suspiciously. Usually, when he comes through the front gate, I would naturally be the first to know. I’d run and salute him. He would acknowledge with a pat or say something like, “how’s your day been girl?”  I would offer to carry his brief case but he’d laugh it off saying there were important documents inside.

I wouldn’t necessarily describe master and madam’s marriage as perfect but I presumed they were happy. They had the usual marriage squabble here and there but I guessed it was a passable union. They went about their normal everyday business; dropping the kids at school; going to and from work and so on. The family was a plausibly happy one and besides I was there to help around with a few things especially with my street senses picked up while growing up.

*                                                                       *                                                                                *

I recall the first day master hit me, he came in with a huge frown and he wouldn’t respond to my salutations. I tried again and again, but he just walked right by me leading the other woman into the house. “Oh, how much I hate her. I sure would have prevented her from entering the house if master was not there. I think she sensed the hatred. I saw fright in her eyes when she passed by me. That gave me satisfaction! If that was all I instilled -fear, then I was more than satisfied. Master usually responded to the tautness between me and her with a sneer but on this present day he gave me a big smack to my face and called me a stupid mutt. “Learn to stick your nose where it belongs”, he said.  I couldn’t believe what just happened to me, I just ran off into my room to cry.  Master never hit me before. Never! And now because of this bitch, I was getting whooped. To be honest, I really didn’t blame master; it was the slut that had made him lose his senses. The way she moved her slender buttock pendulously could rid the brains out of a man- but not mine!

On such days that master had his illicit affairs, I am usually tempted to tell madam. I really wanted to tell her. I would look at master and then at madam and know he was sorry. It would break her heart to find out. Madam would tell master off and he would be out of the house in no time. I was sure she would demand a divorce immediately.  Naturally I would have to go with her. But deep down, that wasn’t what I wanted. I loved Master and his wife together and I loved playing with their kids.

But what happened the following week made me loose all manner of restraint. Master had beaten me again because of that his mistress. What happened was this: they were on their way out and I presumed they had quarreled because she stormed out of the house alone! She looked like she had been crying because I could see her makeup was smeared over her chubby cheeks. I considered this a hint to give her a piece of my mind.  I was able to move stealthily behind her.  But before I could utter a word, master was right beside me; I think he knew what I was nursing and decided a blow to my head would correct my line of thought. That was the last straw; I had been beaten three times now because of her-I resolved to tell madam.

*                                                                       *                                                                                *

Madam took longer than usual to come home. Master was already back. Madam came in smiling as usual. I had no time for the usual pleasantries; I was going to bare my soul before I lost my nerve.

I told her the whole story; I revealed everything from the genesis till then. Madam just stared at me in disbelief as I barked aloud showing all my teeth as while the evening wind permeated through my Alsatian fur.

©2010 Ewoigbokhan Otaigbe Itua. 

In Defense of "Naija"

"It is very offensive to call Nigeria ‘Naija’. We are making plans to write companies to stop using the word Naija. I have heard that name Naija in adverts. I want them to go back and remove that word. If anybody says this is Naija, ask the person, 'Where is Naija?' We have to stop this word because it is catching up with the young. If we don't put a stop to its usage now, it will continue to project us wrongly.” - Minister of Information and Communication, Prof. Dora Akunyili.

Last week, Prof Dora Akinyili advised Nigerians against referring to Nigeria as “Naija”. The former NAFDAC boss and Professor of Pharmacology adduced that “Naija” was offensive and denigrating. She however did not stop with the advisory role; she took the fight a step further by promising to write to companies to prevent them from using the word.  A lot of criticisms have trailed her pronouncements from home and abroad and majority of Nigerians seem not to see it from her point of view.

What struck me first was her question, “Where is Naija?” Is it not rather comical that the person placed at the helm of affairs in the Information industry in Nigeria thinks “Naija” represents a geographical location?  In a country where Nigerians live in the face of poverty, corruption, darkness, and poor health care facilities; Prof. Akinyili would rather pick a fight with slang?

In the United States of American for instance, citizens refer to their President as “Uncle Sam”, yet President Obama has not called a press conference over this. Americans don’t get mad, when other nations refer to them as “Yankee” of “Yanks”, so why must ours be different.

Prof Akinyili says “Naija” is projecting us wrongly.  Is it because of the word- “Naija” -that Nigeria is considered one of the most corrupt nations in the world?  What actually projects us wrongly is that the Nigerian Senate President earns more in salaries and wages that the President of the United State of America. What projects us wrongly is a man like Amos Adamu found complicit in wanting to sell his votes, what projects us wrongly is Maurice Iwu declaring false election results. The Nigerian image has suffered worse blows from international communities   from the actions of people  like Ibrahim Babangida and Abacha than “Naija” would ever do.

The term “Naija” has evolved over the years to mean a number of things. “Naija” has become a brand. An innovation that has become a house hold name. It is printed on T-shirts to promote sales. It is aired on radio stations everyday to connote oneness. Promoters cash in on the “Naija” spirit to sell their products. Telecommunication giant Etisalat uses “0809ja” as its slogan. Uche Eze’s, BellaNaija.com is one of the most visited web sites in Nigeria today. Does Prof Akunyili see all these as negative publicity?

 Nigerians are beginning to find something they can identify with and believe in. They love the “Naija” that produced the likes of Asa, Genevive Nnaji, P-Square, Banky W, and Tu-face Idibia who have become international Brands. Our music industry and Nolly wood have repaired Nigeria’s image and has indeed put us on the world map as against Prof Akunyili’s tepid rebranding project.

“Naija” to me is an escape to most young Nigerians. An escape from darkness beamed by PHCN, an escape from bad roads, an escape from poverty and joblessness that Nigeria has identified them with.

In Literary circles, writers like Chimamanda Adiche, Helon Habila, Toni Kan and Segun Afolabi have shown that Nigeria has more to offer than 419 scams and prostitution. And Rather than cash in on the “Naija” wave, our information minister would rather we identify with a name that has brought us shame.  “Naija” represents success in a failing economy, hope in a depressed society and innovation in the cesspit of mediocrity we find ourselves in and therefore it should be stood by and indeed fought for.

I am sure that in the coming weeks, she will rethink her actions. She will realise that “Naija” has a lot more to offer than she has given credit for. I love Nigeria. The Nigeria that produced “Naija” and I will continue to identify with it. 


To conclude, I will leave you with the first verse of the late Da Grin's, hit track-"Pom Pom Pom". 

“♫ Omo Naija ni mi. Naija l’obi mi si
Naija ni mo ti bere si ni ka ABC
Omo Naija, mo le fi eyin shi Pepsi
Awa Naija won gbo wa lori BBC
To omode ba buru, ole fedi bad boy
To ba ra ibon onike fun ole fe di bad toy
Mummy nip e ki n ma lo church bi Broda David
Ki ma mu ladies jade Eyin ti e rap ikan ti e pe ara yin rappers.
Mi se mugu, omo mi de pampers. Mi diti, gbagbe wipe mo luti
Mo gbo in ema koja lori BRT. To ba wo sole bus-stop e l’oti ma bo le
Mi ni fight fun e, mi ki se Oshiomole. O le bere mole or ko ko mole
O le lo le. Mo sha mo pe o le wole. “♫

© 2010 Ewoigbokhan Otaigbe Itua

Is The Koko Master Losing it?

D’banj is a man known by several names. Ghanaians may call him Mensah; Jamaicans often refer to him as Skibanj, while we here at home in Nigeria prefer Koko- Master but His real name remains Dapo Oyebanjo. D’banj, a stage name coined from a combination of his first and last name is indeed an enigma. He burst into the limelight in 2005 with hit tracks like “Tongolo” and “Mobolowowon” on his “No Long Thing” album and has remained in our consciousness with profundity ever since.
He was able to carry the old and new generation of music lovers along, reminding us of Afro Beat legend-Fela Anikulapokuti- although his (D’banj) preferred musical instrument being an Harmonica as compared with Fela’s Saxophone.
D’banj like Fela owns a charisma that lights the stage with an eruption of sexual energy. But unlike Fela, D'banj pocesses youthful playfulness that sends his audiences gasping for more. He has also successfully introduced double entendres into the Nigerian vocabulary. Words like "koko" (which can mean anything from “crux of a matter” to something else), "long thing", and "kokoletts" are now used every day as though they have been in existence before independence.
D’banj was born to a military artillery officer father and a church dignitary mother. He hails from Shagamu in Ogun state, south west Nigeria. Due to his father’s profession, he moved several times, within Nigeria and also to India as a child. Tragedy struck the family, when his elder brother, Femi died at the age of 17 in a plane crash. His brother’s death marked a turning point in his life as this endeared him to the harmonica which Femi introduced him to.
D’banj who is signed with the Mo’hit record label (with Don Jazzy as his producer) has churned out music hit after hit. Songs like “Why me” (Run Down Funk U Up, 2006), “Igwe” (The Entertainer, 2008) may well be known as classics. His new single releases however may sooner be forgotten than remembered. Songs such as “Mr. Endowed”, “Scape goat”, and “I do this” which feature on his soon to be released album- “Mr. Endowed” have eruption mixed feelings among his fans. Some have alluded the records are nothing to write home about. These singles were released over a month ago and one would have expected that they would have burned the air ways  but rather they have fallen below the standards that the Koko master himself has set.
“Mr. Endowed”, which is meant to replace “Ogbono felifeli” as the hit track on the album lacked the D’banj factor. It was simply flat. It was as though it was made for a foreign audience. The song would have been an outright disaster had Don Jazzy not lent his voice to up the ante.
The second release, “Scape goat”, a follow up to the successful, “Fall in love” (Also in the Entertainer Album) neither sounds convincing enough for any lady to enjoy and seems banal in lyrical content. The third single, “I do this” is by far the most disappointing song I have ever listened to from D’banj. He simply was not at his best with these songs.

Casting our minds back to his previous albums where songs like, “Tongolo”, “Olorun maje”, and “Kimon” set the air-waves on fire within weeks of being released, the “forerunners” of his Mr. Endowed album have not been well received.
A number of arguments have suggested that the Koko master has decided to explore other areas of the D’banj brand. D’banj has earned himself a number of endorsements. He is the presently the new face of Chris Aire in West Africa, he is also a Glo Mobile ambassador and has been appointed by the United Nations as the first Nigerian Ambassador for peace. D’banj has also shown he has a heart for philanthropy by given back to society. He has given about $60,000 (USD) in scholarships and also donated about 1 million naira to an orphanage in Lagos.
D’banj who is also a successful entrepreneur as his Koko Lounge (a hang out) in Lagos Main land has managed to de-populated clubs on the Island. He partnered with Nigerian Pay TV Company (HITV) for "Koko Mansion" and is he is presently flirting with the idea of a clothing line for men.
The D’banj brand has also caught the attention of politicians. D’banj was the artiste chosen to usher President Good Luck Jonathan at his formal declaration to run for the 2011 presidential elections. D’banj along with his Mo’hit crew (who have achieved a sort of cult status) have also broken barriers by being the first Nigerian music group to stage a concert in the much coveted O2 Arena in London.
With all these successes mentioned, D’banj must know that music is the fulcrum on which these “achievements” rests. If that (music) fails, every other thing may begin to crumble. He should borrow a leaf from Artiste like Jay Z, 50 Cents, and P.diddy who though have made fortunes from franchises and business other than music, have continued to give their fans the best they can offer with their music.
In the recently held Hip Hop Music Video Award 2010 (HHMVA), Wande Cole, walked away with 5 awards while D’banj went home empty handed. While winning awards may not be the truest test of an artiste capability, it gives them a sense of credibility and proves their relevance in the music society. A typical exam would be Bono, who is the lead singer of the rock group U2. He has been more involved in philanthropic activity around the world, but whenever U2 record an album they always seem to sweep home the Grammy’s.
D’banj himself being a recipient of several awards including the MTV Europe Award (2007) and the MTV Africa Music Award (2009) would agree to this. Everyone would agree they could hardly skip any tracks on those albums.
The Koko Master has his critics, but he is one artiste most Nigerians are proud to have. He has proved over time to be the Entertainer he claims to be, but as far as being Endowed, he may have to keep that secret to himself.

©2010 Ewoigbokhan Otaigbe Itua

Arsenal FC Trophy Quest: Mirage or Reality?

 I just returned from watching an Arsenal game at a viewing centre. Arsenal lost by a lone goal to Newcastle United FC.  I am an Arsenal fan, a Gunner so to speak.  So it should be quite obvious I am pissed. I have supported Arsenal since 1999. I simply love the club. I was endeared to the club by Nigeria’s Nwankwo Kanu. I just loved the way we (Arsenal) played. It was simply sublime. One can say I have seen the good and bad times at the club.  But after watching their lackluster performance against Newcastle, I was forced to rethink my loyalty for the club. Arsenal is simply not ready to win any silverware. Year after year, fans all over the world have put up with excuses made by the club. From building a new stadium (Emirate) to the team being too "young".  There is always a germane reasons Arsenal do not win anything . Arsene Wenger (The Manager) must know that he has run out of excuses for his failures. After nursing the pain of defeat for a while, I have come up with a few reasons why Arsenal may not win any trophy anytime soon.

NO BIG NAME SIGNINGS

By Big names, I mean the likes of Christiano Ronaldo, Didier Drogba, and Muzut Ozil. We simply have no big player (save for Fabregas), who can win a match us a match. The truth is that whether Arsene Wenger likes it or not, money is part of the game. Big name signings actually do more than collect big pay cheques. The "Sugar daddy" phenomenon as exemplified by Chelsea Owner (Roman Abhramovich) and more recently Manchester City (Sheikh Mansour) would prove that if you pay them big, they will have to play big. These “big move” players have a way of bringing motivation into a team. A classic example is the Carling Cup final of 2007/2008 season between Arsenal and Chelsea. The Gunners completely controlled the game and should have won it by Theo Walcott’s goal. The game dragged on, and Michael Ballack who had had a quiet game managed to field a sublime cross to Didier Drogba who headed home. Ballack was bought for big bucks and he simply did a big buck job. Chelsea eventually went on to win that game. In the glory years of the "invisibles", Arsenal could boast of players like Thierry Henry, Dennis Berkamp and Patrick Viera (not necessarily big earners at the time but big names in their own right), and would have won that game easily.

HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE GOAL KEEPING

Arsenal is the only top flight side that can hardly boast of a world class goalie. We seem not to have found worthy replacements for the likes of David Seaman and Lehman. Goal keepers are a quintessential element in any trophy winning side. It would be worthy to note that the last time Arsenal won any trophy, Jens Lehman was in goal. He is the only goal keeper not to lose a single game in a Premier League season (He still holds the record till date). Lehman also managed to keep a clean sheet throughout the Champions League season until Alumina conceded two goals in less than 15 minutes. Now we have Fabiaski (flapi hanski) who gifted Chelsea the FA cup semi finals and was instrumental to Arsenal's loss against Newcastle. Any team serious about winning laurels must have a quality goal keeper. Manchester United have Vandersaar, Chelsea have got Petr Cech and Real Madrid have Iker Casillas to name a few.

HOLE IN DEFENCE

The Arsenal back four has been a mess since the departure of players like Tony Adams, Martin Keown, Lee Dixon and Winterburn. Squilacci and Koscielny have not lived up to expectation. Clichy and Sagna overlap ever so often and Vermaleen can't cover adequately enough.

CLUB DEBT

The Club incurred debt due to her movement into the Emirate Stadium and that has been the major excuse for Arsenals tumble in the past few years. That excuse ran out last season as Arsenal has managed to pay up its £100,000,000 debt. What is curious however is that while Arsenal was still indebted to the Emirate group, the contract agreement allowed 70% of transfer earnings to be reinvested in the club. Arsenal has made money every season (35million pounds 09/10). Arsene Wenger has simply chosen not to buy. This unnecessary shrewdness in spending has cost us players like Huntelaar, Joe Cole, and Filipe Melo.

YOUTH POLICY

This is by far the most annoying point. By this policy, we are left to playing "kids" who fall like pack of cards when Didier Drogba shows up in a challenge. Players like Denilson are “bullied" all over the pitch. Teams like Bolton Wanderers, Stoke City, and Birmingham have continuously used this to their advantage.

WE JUST NEVER SHOOT

Other teams like Barcelona and Real Madrid that play arguably the same style of football with Arsenal never hesitate to pull the trigger when they are within range. But the gunners will rather pass their way into the net. The Odds are that if one shoots at the goal, he would either score or not. And if he does not score, the ball could bounce off the post and fall fortuitously for a second attempt (This is common sense).

INJURIES

Arsenal FC is about the most unlucky club as far as injuries are concerned. At a time this season we had about 7 first team players out through injuries. And this seems to occur every season and at the most crucial points. I don’t see a Chelsea, or Manchester United winning games with key players out. Barcelona always flounders when ever Lionel Messi is absent.   

  





ARSENE WENGER

I am almost shooting myself in the head for including Monsieur Wenger in my black list but it’s a sad truth. Arsene Wenger, on arrival at the London club in 1995 was greeted by a newspaper headline (The Evening Standard) reading "Arsene who"? Arsene was a nobody in football parlance. He single handedly metamorphosed Arsenal’s "boring-boring" days to the present day “beautiful” football Arsenal now play. He is by far the most successful coach the club has had winning, 3 Premier League titles, 4 FA Cup competitions and 1 Champions League Final (ha ha ha).  Fans now hold billboard that boldly say “Arsene knows” or “In Arsene We Trust”. Right now, Arsene seems not to know too much anymore.

Arsene Wenger has kept faith with the most mediocre players on the planet. No other coach would still include the likes of Denilson, Diaby, Senderous, and Almunia on their squad after so many blunders. You may have noticed I did not mention Bendtnar (I simply love the dude so don’t bite me ok).

Second, Arsene (sorts of rhymes with Arsenal don’t you think), for some reasons I haven’t yet understood tends to field a weaker team in seemingly important games. I have two examples that immediately come to mind. One, in an away game against Stoke City (2009/2010 EPL season), and in the FA Cup Semi Final against Chelsea.  He decided to leave our best players (Samir Nasri and Andre Arshavin) on the bench when they were fit.

Third, Arsene Wengers’s pride has made Arsenal lose some very good players. He doesn’t like it when people think he needs any player. Arsenal lost talents like Lassana Diara, Alexander Hleb and Mattiew Flamini needlessly.   I can remember at least three times where Sir Alex Ferguson withstood  transfers away from Old Trafford because he believed they were “needed” at Manchester United.

CONCLUSION

As the French say, you either “love her or leave her”. I choose to love her. That is the funny situation I have found myself. I do not know for how long I will have to wait for my bragging rights. Whether Arsenal wins any trophy this season or not, we may keep hearing the same stories-“the team is young”, “there is believe in the team”-over and over again. I have decided I will stay put. To all Arsenal fans and haters out there, its GUNNERS FOR LIFE!

©2010 Ewoigbokhan Otaigbe Itua