YOU ARE NOT LISTENING (A SHORT STORY)

“A female corps member has been found dead on the roads of Borno… the body is yet unidentified… We’d bring an update…”

The television set was muted by Ebenezer. Speaking to the TV, “Can you imagine? After all the parents have suffered to send a child to school especially this period, she’s killed just like that.” He snapped his fingers.

Ha! It’s a crazy world we live in oh”, he continued.

He turned to his wife, the speech was for her benefit and he believed he deserved a response so he could get back to the news; there was still the stock market to monitor, but she sat still, almost lifeless save for the bulk under her blouse heaving. He inched closer to her on the settee to inspect; since she learnt she was pregnant he had noticed she’d fall asleep almost anywhere. A ploy to evoke pity and dodge chores, he thought.

Sensing his movement, she opened her eyes, “Is that the point?”

He shifted back, he didn’t understand her.

“Is it about what the parents have suffered? What does that have to do with anything?”

Silence. He waited for an elucidating addendum, none was forthcoming.

“Are you saying it is alright? What these people have done.”

“That is not what I’m saying”

“What then, are you saying? You agree the parents have tried, it’s not easy to send a child through secondary school talk more of university”

“How can you reduce human life, a child, to an investment? So if they didn’t send the child to school, it would be easier to bear?

No, no she was getting it wrong – he wasn’t the enemy. The enemies were the killers.

“You are not listening, nobody is saying that. What I am…”

“Tell me, what are you saying?” Her voice trembled and she was shaking.

“Calm down”

“I am calm, very calm” she stilled herself, resting her back on the cushion and her palm under her blouse on the stretched skin of her protruding stomach. Still, her eyes were red.

The husband was aghast at the transformation and concluded it had to be the pregnancy. Come to think of it, he had read something on the trauma during pregnancy...

“You are not listening. See, relax” He could be understanding, there was no need for this.

“I don’t want to relax, I want to talk. There is nothing growing in my mouth”.

What is love if it is struggles that count? What about family ties? It is not business! Crying over lost money is not genuine grief…” With every statement, question, exclamation, her voice rose.

He had to find a way of stopping this, the neighbours might hear. “OK. I am sorry.”

“Again you miss the point! I don’t want you to be sorry!”

Her voice dipped, “So if I miscarry, it wouldn’t hurt? After all, you haven’t spent on the child.” This was wrong; he should not be on trial. Besides, technically they had spent – hadn’t she doubled her eating?

Her voice dipped further, suppliant, urgent, “Please answer me”

He knew there was no right answer- silence even wouldn’t suffice, it would be indicting. The question, like a goal bound shot couldn’t be saved, only parried.

There was a sound at the door. At first, neither of them knew what it was, and then Ebenezer realized it was a knock.

He almost leapt over the single settee on the side to get to the door. It was the Ajalas, probably heard her voice and decided to feed their curiosities like food. That was inconsequential though, they had just purchased his friendship, more- his allegiance.

He led them to the dining table, away from the main area of the living room. He brought drinks.

They small talked first. Then, “So where is the wife, or have the triplets glued her to the bed?”

The couple laughed. He joined them, said, triplets, and made inverted commas in the air.

“Edna, Edna”

The clock ticked audibly.

The couple laughed at another joke. He checked the bedroom, the toilet. He checked the kitchen and found the back door ajar. He stood outside the door and felt the breeze hit him softly and he yawned drowsily. She had gone for a long walk; he’d have to invent something for these (most welcome) intruders. But that was the easy part; the hard part would be the apology.

He yawned again.

Leaving the door open, he walked back to the dining.

©2009 Aigbokhaevbolo Oris

RELATIONSHIPS: RECIPE FOR DISASTER?

Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her; If you can bounce high, bounce for her too, Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover, I must have you!" 

THOMAS PARKE D'INVILLIERS.

Exit: Agape, Enter: Cupid

The fourteenth day of February marks Valentines Day celebration. A day originally meant to honour Christian martyr, Saint Valentine. He was recognised for caring for the poor and giving out gifts and relief materials to less privileged persons. Valentines Day was later established by Pope Gelasius in 500 AD and became associated with romantic love by Geoffrey Chaucer in the high Middle Ages. It is now synonymous with red roses, romantic dinners, and wild parties. 

The evolution from Saint Valentine’s sacrificial love to a lustful variant endorsed by Aphrodite and her male counterpart Eros, has denigrated the true meaning of this solemn feast. These gods who had romance in mind had no clue about Nigerian women. Screw red roses and Opera houses. What do Nigerian girls care about the beauty of the cosmos and the array of stars in the Milky Way? Naija girls aren’t interested in the sentimentality of poetry and romantic intellectualism. To them it comes down to the classic jibe: “Money for hand, back for ground.” And what makes it interesting is that there is a day allotted to them to enforce their rights. No excuses! It’s Vals Day. Naija girls all seem to chorus aloud a line used popularly by the mafia: “Shut up, f**k you, pay me”. 

The ladies simply love Valentines Day. It’s their day in the spotlight. They want to brag about their man. His competences (off and on the pitch) are on the line. The more he spends, the bigger the bragging rights. The men know this, and recognise the opportunity availed to them to be on top of the other boyfriends. They are swayed. Everybody is in on the scam. Married couples are the lucky ones. The moment he said “I do”, the pressure was lifted. The husband gets “lucky” just for being a husband. The mistresses are locked out.  Madam has full rights tonight. It’s Valentine, and like her wedding day, she deserves happiness. The men ask themselves, If one day will make her happy, why not just do it. After all there are 364 days to be frugal.

Guys have to put up with stuff like, “what are we doing for Vals this year, how will you show me you love me?” In their conclave, you hear stuff like, “I hope I wont “roast” this year, that guy better not dull me”. Ladies tend to chant these same incantations yearly. It’s all out war. Val me or you won’t get with me. And surprisingly it works each time. Who wants to be considered a cheap skate over a lousy dinner? Who wants to be the guy who feigns sickness to escape the inevitable?  Not me anyway. Besides, complying with her demands comes with perks. The boys get “it” free and easy, no hassles, no arguments. Just like hot knife through butter. So in a sick twisted way, its 50:50!  

As far as am concerned the monies spent on Val’s day will do much good in the Dafur region. What interests me however are the intrigues vis-à-vis the personalities that make up a successful or failed relationship.  And this is what has inspired this article.

All IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR IN DISNEY LAND!

What makes us (men and women) venture into relationships in the first place? The love for companionship or the hatred for loneliness. Why is it so hard to remain single? Why won’t you prefer a world where you won’t be bothered by picking your girlfriend up after work or having to buy ice creams at Chocolate Royale when you stay on the Mainland? Why would anybody want his sleep interrupted by 12:30am because of midnight calls? Isn’t life simpler when you are single?

Could it be that because marriage (or companionship) is a prerequisite to be accepted in our society that women become desperate in their late thirties? A woman is often esteemed more if she were married. People often tend to accord her with more respect and affix the suffix, “Ma” or “Madam”, when referring to her. The ring on her fourth finger is entrée into stardom. A husband is no longer just a partner, he is now a saviour.

Isn’t it also because we all fear the word -ALONE-that we will do anything to have a boyfriend or spouse. An unmarried woman feels the societal ostracism and craves for a man. She wants her man, a man, any man that will protect her from judgemental eyes of the public. So in this case (which happens to be a lot) a relationship is desired primarily not for companionship but for self preservation.

The same reverence is conferred on a girl who has a boyfriend. Nobody comes out openly and says it but we all look surprised when a beautiful girl says she has no boyfriend. The logical response is why? It’s almost a curse to be single.  To be “alone” has become a taboo. So we all find ourselves in regrettable relationships just to keep sane. The general perception is that everybody should have someone. 

Even in the virtual world of social networking (Facebook, Twitter and Myspace), the paranoia continues. There seems to be really no single girl on facebook. Everybody has a “In a relationship” status but quizzically, the same people are “Interested in Men”. When I ask the reason for this falsehood in status, I always get the same response. A friend Tomi (not real name) will say, “Abeg I don’t want any useless boy disturbing me”.  Single-hood now wears a heavy toga of apprehension. Please tell me which single girl doesn’t desire “disturbance?”

Truth be told, everybody wants someone. The fat ugly lady who doesn’t get noticed by the high school jock longs for him to say hello not because she even likes him but so that someone who is known knows her. So the only reasonable conclusion I could derive is that we all want relationships to belong. We want to be noticed, not necessarily by others, but even by ourselves. We want to know we matter, even if we matter to only one person.

MONEY, ROMANCE AND PLENTY DRAMA

I have discovered over time that in every relationship, the basic need of companionship has to be met first. And like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, once the basic need is attained, our desires grow into the monster called want. Love is like an electric devise that only completes its circuit when reciprocated. Unreturned love is like sex without orgasm. She now wants more attention. The attention he gives her is no longer enough. What she gets now would have been okay two years ago when she was ALONE and pitiful. Now she wants a recompense for her love. She wants a full repayment. She has grown insatiable. The beast in her is now alive. And what she wants, she gets. She now begins to notice the inadequacies of her spouse. Other couples are suddenly having more fun. And she is left out. “Tinuke’s boyfriend took her to Wan-tan, we never go anywhere!” She begins to nag. Now she wants romance added to the love. Romance is great but cost a little more. It’s only a movie at Silver Bird Galleria we are talking about here, she screams. It’s just N1, 500. But the popcorn costs an arm (N800), and don’t forget we have to buy drinks, he responds. That’s more than five grand on romance in less than two hours. Yes, it’s just five thousand naira, she fires. “Chicken change” she says. For Who? He retorts. If we do this every weekend we would use twenty thousand naira a month on movies. “How much be my salary, he screams”. 

Romance, a quintessential element in relationships has to be funded. Not just movies. There is also recharge cards and Ghana weaving to consider. There is now dissatisfaction by both parties’. The fights begin. Omo boy starts to vex. He is angry; “we are supposed to meet each others needs”, he says.  And his needs are far less expensive but far more pleasurable. Opportunity cost and scales of preference favour him. She would have none of it. He doesn’t mind checking out on the relationship now. He is getting tired. The stress is getting too much, besides, there is someone waiting on line. He begins to complain about her. Her cooking, her weight, her lousy sex. Everything about her becomes repudiating. Our lovey-dovey relationship just cracked open. The cracks become holes and holes become larger holes. The house of cards begins to topple. Things have fallen apart.

On the reverse side; he can’t fund romance, she doesn’t like it but shuts up. She knows how long it took to find this guy. She decides to stay put until ideal man shows up.   She settles and takes his crap. He senses she would take anything, and he gives her more crap. She is unhappy but cannot leave.

Third scenario: Guy is rich, handsome and caring and willing to spend. You would think he can have all the booty and respect he deserves. Wrong! Dead wrong. Once she sniffs his faithfulness and devoutness, he is taken for granted. He becomes a mumu in the equation. Her body is hers. And you get it when she wants you to have it. Period.

My point is this. The only place you find a perfect relationship (where both parties are meant for each other) is in fairy tales.  Even in fiction, the perfect symbiotic romantic relationship always ends in disaster. You only have to watch the Titanic and read Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet to come to that conclusion. Relationships are a place of adaptation. A place of learning and coping with bullshit (lots of bullshit). A place where self preservation is the poison rather than an antidote. Something always has to give.

The very thing that makes us human is relationships. The elasticity to accommodate another is  God's  gift  to us to replenish the earth. Offences will come, the bible warns, but we are still admonished to live at peace with all men. Whoever you are, whether married, single (ALONE), or searching, there is enough love to go around.

It’s Valentines Day, have lunch in Taiwan and dinner in Honolulu if it pleases her. Wear a Knicks hat also if that pleases her too. Bounce High if she wants it, till she screams, Taiwan eating, Knick’s hat wearing, high bouncing lover, I must have you.

©2011 Ewoigbokhan Otaigbe Itua

TRIBUTE

Valentines Day would not be complete without you. You are everything to me. My confidant, my friend and my one and only true love. I love you! (YOS)

BUHARI-BAKARE: STRANGE BED FELLOWS OR AN ACT OF GOD?

Misery acquaints a man with strange bed fellows”: A quote from “The Tempest”, a play written by William Shakespeare in 1610 helps provides an insight into the alliance between parties whose union is perceived as bizarre. In 1850, Charles Udley Warner in an adaptation brought it closer to poilitics when he said, “Politics makes strange bedfellows”.  He likened this union to an unlikely or an unholy alliance.

Unlikely rather than unholy is the conclusion I came up with when I considered the decision by General Muhammadu Buhari to pick Pastor Tunde Bakare of the Latter Rain Assembly as his running mate in the forth coming elections. The news sent tongues wagging in political, religious and social circles. This pair has altered the political landscape making it a bit more interesting. Before now it would have been an easy ride for the GoodLuck Ebele Jonathan (GEJ) campaign after Mr. President saw off Atiku Abubarka in the PDP primaries which turned out to be an anticlimax.

General Buhari who is regarded as a high handed religious bigot by some Christians has tried to douse the negative attention on him by picking a Christian as a running mate. And not just any Christian, a man of God who many have come to recognize as Jeremiah the prophet of our times. Some see this move by the Gen Buhari Camp as a master stroke from a genius while others have been quick to rubbish the union as child's play. 

In the wake of the failed alliance among opposition parties and especially the seemingly weak running mate-Mr Sunny Ugochukwu- picked by Mallam Nuhu Ribadu of the Action Congress of Nigeria (ACN), the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) may be coasting home to victory except Buhari and Bakare gives them a fight.

WHY BAKARE?

The corresponding answer should be, why not Bakare? Tunde Bakare is a fiery and respected man of God. He has gained a reputation as an iconoclast. Bakare is a principled man and perhaps the only preacher who can say to any government, “you are wrong”. He is feared as much as revered.

Tunde Bakare is the convener of the Save Nigeria Group (SNG), and his civil rights movement rescued Nigeria from the claws of the infamous cabal in the Yar’Adua administration.  He was an unrelenting critic of the Obasanjo administration, and was arrested by the SSS because of pronouncements considered to be “anti government”.

He studied law at the University of Lagos thus making him an authority in the laws of men and his calling as a Pastor, a teacher of the laws of God. Some public commentators like Sam Omatseye of the Nation Newspaper in his essay, Tunde Bakare: Loner or Saint? refers to the man of God as a rebel. I prefer nonconformist radical.
As a child, Bakare chose not to conform to the powers of death as he is the sole survivor among nine siblings; he abandoned his first religion- Islam-when he converted to Christianity in September 1974. He turned his back on his Baptist roots by opting rather to speak in tongues the charismatic way and mover over to the Deeper Life Bible Church.  When things began to look too conformist, he  decided he wasn’t too comfortable with the doctrines of the church and went over to the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG). He fell out with his boss, Pastor E. A. Adeboye and went ahead to found his own ministry. Bakare wants to preach an unbridled, unadulterated gospel. The type preached in the book of the Acts of the Apostles and passed down by Christ himself. No gimmicks, no showmanship, no loyalty to man but God alone.

Tunde Bakare, unlike most popular men of God has not shied away from being a social and political commentator. His TV evangelical programme, Moment of Truth has seen over two million viewers glued to their TV sets every week.  His views on front burning issues concerning the nation have been indeed inspiring.

Like the anti establishment priests of old, Bakare has followed the steps of Martin Luther and  Gustavo Gutierrez, in their passion to see people live free from tyranny, oppression and hegemony. He has galvanised protesters  against government and has made friends with “unbelievers” like chief MKO Abiola, Gani Fawenhinmi and Wole Soyinka- a secular humanist- (what ever that means) in a bid to see a better Nigeria. It seem that Bakare like any politician likes the spotlight. Perhaps, this is what he was born for. Yet he has remained true to his calling. Never for once making uncalculated statements or gotten carried away in the euphoria of praise. He has not cared whether his actions will reduce his church follower ship; he believes what he is doing is right and he is determined to see it through. If there is any man out there ready and capable to take on the mantle of leadership, that man is Bakare. Tunde Bakare is married to one wife, Olayinka and they have five children.

JUSTIFIED CRITICISM OR FOLLY?

Some have lambasted Bakare openly suggesting that a Cleric should not be soiled by the murky waters of Nigerian politics. The Bible, they claim forbids the mixture of light and darkness. What will happen to his flock? Why is he playing second fiddle to an Islamic fundamentalist? These are some of questions that have continued to trail Bakare's venture into politics. In my opinion this questions are unfounded and at best depict ignorance on the side of his critics.

First and foremost, Bakare is exercising his fundamental rights to vote and be voted for. Further more, if we decide to consider typical examples in the Bible, Bakare would come out vindicated.  Daniel in the Old Testament was Prime Minister in Babylon, a highly sinful and perverse government. He was a beacon of light in darkness. And When Babylon was divided he still retained his position in the subsequent governments in Persia. Was light not mixing with darkness then, I would like to ask these people? Other examples of righteous men who were in the forefront in political circles include Joseph who also became a Prime Minister in the land of Egypt. He saved thousands if not millions of lives because he responded to the call of leadership. Should Bakare refuse this call because he is to work behind a “Pharaoh”?  Edmund Burke once said: “People who say nothing in the face of tyranny must endure the rule of idiots”. Bakare has decided to say something and should not be condemned.

Those who argue that Bakare would not be effective as a deputy should take a look back in history. If we cast our minds back to the Buhari’s government in 1983-1985, it was Idiagbon his deputy (Chief of Staff) that called the shots. In fact it is popularly called the Idiagbon-Buhari administration. As the head of the Petroleum Trust Fund (PTF), Buhari excelled not by what he did personally, but by putting the right people in place to work with him.

GENERAL MOHAMMADU BUHARI

Buhari first came to limelight in 1975 when he became the Minister of Petroleum (or Federal Commissioner for Petroleum Resources) under the then Head of State, General Olusegun Obasanjo. Major General Buhari was selected to head the country by middle and high ranking military officers after a successful Coup d’etat that over threw President Shagari on December 31 1983. 

His administration initiated a public campaign against indiscipline known as “War Against Indiscipline and Corruption” (WAI). Nigerians believe this to be the most orderly and law abiding period in Nigerian history to date (koboko induced or not). 

As PTF chairman, Buhari ran one of the most successful government Parastatals. Some hospital mattresses and bunks actually still have PTF logos on them. Virtually all the well tarred roads in the north are PTF funded.

Buhari is perhaps the only Nigerian politician who has not joined in the zoning debate.  He has asked Nigerians to vote for the best candidate regardless of where they hail from. He has also not cashed in on the Presidents GEJ’s perceived lack of experience relating to security issues against him. No words of calumny or condemnation were used against GEJ by Buhari after the October 1 and New Year Eve Bombings.

HARDS KNOCKS FOR BUHARI

“It is a legal responsibility which God has given us, within the context of one Nigeria, to continue to uphold the practice of Sharia wholeheartedly…and to educated non-Muslims that they have nothing to fear…”

“What remains for Muslims in Nigeria is for them to redouble their efforts, educate Muslims on the need to promote the full implementation of Sharia law…”

These statements are credited to General Buhari when he called for the full implementation of Sharia law across Nigeria. As a Christian I find this very disturbing.  Nigeria is a secular state and is neither a Christian nor Moslem country. His pronouncements have done him no favors in winning voters to his side. Buhari, who has also been quoted asking Moslems to vote along religious lines, has been called several unpalatable names by Christians and opposing politicians. This is perhaps what instructed the choice of Bakare as a running mate.

As much as I like Buhari, I have also found this bitter pill very hard to swallow. Nobody wants to be whipped by “koboko” for drinking Moet, or have his limbs slashed for stealing a goat or worse be stoned to death for committing adultery only to find out later that they are Christians. We are after all under Grace and no longer under the Law (Praise God!).

In fairness to Buhari, it was actually when Nigeria had a Christian President (Olusegun Obasanjo) that Sharia was introduced. And his statements were a follow through to what already was obtainable. My only solace is that God can use anybody. He used a certain Cyrus, an “unbeliever” and even went as far as calling him “my anointed” after he commissioned Cyrus to rebuild Jerusalem in Isaiah chapter 45. This means that whether Christians love Buhari or not, if he is “anointed” by God for the liberation of this Country, then he will do a splendid job as president.

STRENGTHS OF THE ALLIANCE

The Buhari-Bakare (BB) ticket has one strong asset-integrity-which may deliver votes in the April polls.  They are both seen as honest, not corruptible, disciplined and having credibility. The average Nigerian politicians with their desultory characteristics in search of what they can “chop” have diminished confidence in the political class. And only something new and unadulterated can instil the much needed confidence required to drive the Nation forward.

In the 12years of PDP rule, Nigeria has been plundered, pillaged, and polluted by the elite in the society. The PDP has not found any solution to the power problem, bad roads and declining education sector in their continued stay in power. Even though the GEJ/Sambo enjoys a certain level of goodwill due to their apparent sincerity, nobody is expecting them to fight corruption wholeheartedly. The Duo are surrounded by men like Tony Anenih and OBJ who are far from being saints. What possible good can Anenih bring to the table on rehabilitating roads? Anenih was Minister of Works and Housing in the first term of Obasanjo’s administration and the Benin-Ore road where he hails from has gone moribund. How can President Goodluck rid himself of the evil forces that have been instrumental in nominating him as their party’s candidate? Can Jonathan send this people to prison? Your Guess is as good as mine

Voting for the PDP will not bring any monumental difference in this country. Not because Jonathan is not the right man for the Job but one is only as good as the person around him. If GEJ and Sambo can completely extricate themselves from the pack of hyenas then maybe some good will come but since that is unlikely, the viable option will be to look in the CPC’s direction.

At least we know that the Buhari and Bakare will not give or take bribes or award contracts to their family members.  We know that if the EFCC finds anybody culpable, they won’t seek clearance from the executive arm of government before investigating as in the case of Dimeji Bankole and the Dino Melaye’s lead group.

LOOPHOLES

Politics in Nigeria as any where else is simply a game of numbers. The CPC does not have the necessary clout or machinery to deliver at National level. Their campaign offices are domiciled predominantly in the Northern part of Nigeria and representation down south (South-South, South East most especially) is merely skeletal.  With this to consider, it would be rather optimistic for anyone to think the CPC can pull an upset. History has proven that the north alone can not deliver a victory on its own.

Sentiments can not be expunged from Nigerian politics. I bet we would soon begin to hear about all the human right crimes the Buhari administration committed. His comments on Sharia would be replayed over the radio and TV sets soon enough. Tunde Bakare would be advised to go back to his church. Nobody will discuss developmental issues. Nobody will mention the derelict power sector or that our Universities are graduating illiterates. It would be a war of words over nothing. And in that war, Bakare and Buhari will lose. I don’t see either of them engaging smear tactics in their campaigns.

Thirdly and most importantly is the money factor. Money is a key ingredient during campaigns. The PDP has enough money to throw around. They can run TV and Newspaper ads indefinitely. They will print more posters and have the finances to reach the creaks of the Niger Delta. If it comes to ballot stuffing, the PDP can pay more thugs even under short notice. Will Bakare and Buhari collect campaign money from thieves? I think not.

CONCLUSION

As the April polls inch closer, the political climate in the country has grown thicker. I still haven’t decided where my vote will go as far as Presidential election is concerned. I feel my vote will count this time around and that has not made the decision any easier. I could decide to take it down to a ballot. Goodluck, Buhari, Ribadu, and the winner is…….

©2011 Ewoigbokhan Otaigbe Itua

TRIBUTE

Yesterday the 6^th of February 2011, my dog died in rather regrettable circumstances. I loved Hunter. He was playful and naughty but extremely loyal. If dogs have souls then I know exactly where you are. Good bye Hunter...